I Am Weak

I am weak. I am tired and weak. I am learning more and more about my weakness everyday. I’m beginning to become thankful for my weakness. I have had several seasons in life where God seems to pull the string on the light bulbs of my faith. Lately the light has been shining on my weakness, his strength, and the promise of his kingdom.

Having two little guys crawling, running, screaming, and learning around the house is hard and joyful. I’m learning my best is nowhere near good enough. I want to love and serve Rebecca perfectly. I want to love and teach the boys perfectly. I don’t. I don’t even come close. Sometimes it’s because I’m tired. Mostly it’s because I’m selfish. Turns out the one I love the most is me. I’m learning my worth and identity cannot be found in being daddy or husband. Sometimes I’m a bad daddy. Sometimes I’m a bad husband. Jesus is always righteous. I’m thankful to have my life hidden in him.

I’m learning about peace. I used to look for fights under the guise of conviction. It made me tired and abrasive. I don’t want to fight anymore. I’m learning about the tension of “blessed are the peacemakers” and Jesus coming “not to bring peace, but a sword.” I’m learning the fight isn’t mine, but his. I’m learning he doesn’t need me, but allows me to work for him.

I’m learning about grace. It has never been clearer to me that I haven’t taken a breath that God didn’t give me. He doesn’t owe me anything. If he did, grace wouldn’t be grace. I’m learning Jesus didn’t come to earth to give people a chance to know him or to help out. He came to save his people, and having a living God who saves makes all the difference. Grace is beautiful because it makes absolutely no sense. Christians aren’t good investments. Christians aren’t good people. Christians are people who were once dead, but have been given life.

Lastly, I’m learning about the promise and peace of the coming kingdom. I’m learning that the darkest night will only make the light of eternity more glorious. All of earth’s suffering will only make the peace of God’s presence more beautiful. Knowing a day is coming when “every sad thing will become untrue” is giving me the hope and strength to love, repent, and forgive.