My heart is torn. Recently I had some contact with an old friend who is still a member of the group I used to be in. I miss him badly. I think about him everyday. It's usually when I think about a joke I would like to share with him.
The contact was hard because we both shared how much we miss each other and talked briefly about the void in each other's lives because we have no contact. From the depths of my heart I long for his friendship. And from the depths of my heart, I don't know if it's possible. I find myself wondering what would have to happen for us to be able to just hang out. We are both so passionate about our convictions about faith that it would come up. We've had discussions before. This particular friend has been the most respectful and understanding of my convictions that he is involved in an evil system. He, more than any other, has understood that I'm not trying to go after individuals, but am trying to speak out against a system. It's not an easy line to walk, but I've done my best to walk it.
The conversation, as short as it was, has helped me so much. Knowing I'm missed and loved and knowing my friend knows he is missed and loved gives me peace. Nothing has really changed. We're still on opposite sides of a very real and intense situation. But, we experienced some peace. And the moment of peace was refreshing.
I cannot tell you how much I love the people still in the group. I long to see them delivered. My anger is not aimed at them. I believe my anger is for them. That being said, I am angry at the leaders of the group who abuse power and display false humility and compassion. I love them as well, but I don't find myself longing for their company.
I'm not really sure where to end this. Believing and living the gospel will put us in some strange and unsettling situations. There are times when all we have to hold onto our the promises that he will give us back everything we've lost. I hope my friendships aren't lost forever. I pray they are restored.
5 comments:
Danny, I loved reading this post. I don't know how it will come about, and maybe I am just an eternal optimist, but I believe that someday there will be healing and restoration.
"I hope my friendships aren't lost forever. I pray they are restored."
That is my prayer also. Last weekend we were told that Trent's best friend is moving this week to Orange County. This news upset me tremendously. I woke up at 4:00 in the morning crying and continued to cry the rest of the day. I couldn't understand why this was affecting me so. Trent is okay with it. He's sad but, knows this is not the end of their friendship. Finally, I had a long talk with my therapist, (Tim). I realized that I wasn't mourning the loss of Trent's friend. It just triggered the pain I feel for my own lost childhood friends.My tears finally made sense.
There is nothing we can do for anyone that holds more value than being a true friend.
Thank you for your post. It means so much to me, especially after this week. I too pray that our lost friendships will one day be restored.
Danny,
You post touched my heart as I was
reading. I to love my friends that I have known for many years.
I am Praying that they would
see theres no different in who we are.
Danny, isn't it Osenga's song, with the refrain..'when every sad thing will become untrue'???
his lyric & music is a balm for me when i consider longing for restored relationships, and, now, your post encourages me- i would not EVEN have a clue who Osenga is if it were not for you. thank you for sharing his music and your posts. Peace, Karen
mom, lynda, rachel, thanks for the comments. i know the pain we feel is the same.
karen, yeah the song is white dove by andrew osenga. the line actually comes from one of the lord of the rings books. i don't know which one. the line didn't make the movie, but it did make a keller sermon. that's where i heard it.
here's the whole song.
I saw Andrew Osenga in concert about a month ago. I love artists that proclaim the gospel without the 'required words' in most CCM songs. I think he is one of the best. Here is my favorite song from his new album 'The Morning.'
O Mother, please don’t worry
O my lover, please don’t cry
Never pin your hopes to the ground
When they’re meant for the sky
With the pharisees campaigning
Against the signs of the times
Where did the good news go
I heard as a child?
I am waiting, waiting for a white dove
I am waiting, waiting for a real love
Though it feels a dam is breaking
Like the second coming of the flood
But the promise was not only justice
But mercy and love
There is nothing to be afraid of here
If we stand or if we fall
There is no fear in love
There is no fear in love at all
And all of this
And all of us
Are an arrow
Pointed at the heart of God
Shot though and pierced his side
Blood and water
Blood and water
Bread and wine
Every sad thing will become untrue
Every sad thing will become untrue
Every sad thing will become untrue
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