Fly to Jesus by Octavius Winslow

Fly to Jesus!

(Octavius Winslow, "My Times in God's Hand")

Oh! the unutterable blessings that flow
from a vital union with the Lord Jesus!

All of your cares are His cares.
All of your sorrows are His sorrows.
All of your needs are His supply.
All of your sicknesses are His cure.

Believer, nothing can....
separate you from the love of Jesus,
nor sever you from His care,
nor exclude you from His sympathy,
nor banish you from His heaven of eternal blessedness!

Fly to Jesus in the confidence of a loving Friend.
Reveal to Him your secret sorrow.
Confess to Him your hidden sin.
Acknowledge your backsliding to Him.

Tell Him your needs, your sufferings, your fears.
Tell Him how chilled your affections to Him are.
Tell Him how reserved is your obedience.
Tell Him how imperfect is your service.
Tell Him how you long to . . .
love Him more ardently;
follow Him more closely;
serve Him more devotedly;
and to be more wholly His.

Conversation With Joshua

Joshua and I went to the store tonight. While we were driving we had this conversation.

"Hey, buddy. Can I tell you something."

"Yeah."

"I think you're wonderful."

"No, daddy. I'm amazing."

Sunday's Sermon

This is the mp3 of our service today. Our pastors have spent the week with the Chapman family. Scotty Smith shares about God's grace throughout the pain of the loss. The whole service is on the mp3, but you can skip ahead to the sermon.

Sermon

Lay Me Down by Andrew Peterson

I suppose you could lay me down to die in Illinois
Bury me beneath the rows of corn
Or in-between the maple trees I climbed on as a boy
Where in the Land of Lincoln I was born

Oh, and I recall
We rode the combines in the fall
And there comes a time
For gathering the harvest after all

So when you lay me down to die
I�ll miss my boys, I�ll miss my girls
Lay me down and let me say goodbye to this world
You can lay me anywhere
But just remember this
When you lay me down to die
You lay me down to live
Well I asked a girl to marry me on a dock out on the lake
Our babies came to life in Tennessee
And the music of the mountains is still keeping me awake
Yeah, but everything that rises falls asleep

We are not alone
We are more than flesh and bone
What is seen will pass away
What is not is going home

When you lay me down to die
I�ll miss my boys, I�ll miss my girls
Lay me down and let me say goodbye to this world
You can lay me anywhere
But just remember this
When you lay me down to die

I�ll open up my eyes on the skies I�ve never known
In the place where I belong
And I�ll realize His love is just another word for Home

I believe in the holy shores of uncreated light
I believe there is power in the blood
And all of the death that ever was,
If you set it next to life
I believe it would barely fill a cup
�Cause I believe there�s power in the blood

When you lay me down to die
So long, boys, so long, girls
Lay me down and let me say goodbye to this world
You can lay me anywhere
But just remember this
When you lay me down to die
You lay me down to live

Maria Chapman

Please pray for the Chapmans.

This morning a mom said this, "She went from playing in her yard to the arms of Jesus."

Amen.

God is Good

I wrote about our friends who lost their five year old daughter last night in a tragic accident. I just finished talking to a mutual friend. Last night at the hospital the family's oldest daughter said this. "Our family believes God is good. This isn't good. But, God is good."

Please Pray

We have a family friend who lost a daughter in an accident this evening. Please pray for them.

Thank you.

Dear Refuge of My Weary Soul by Anne Steele

Dear Refuge of My Weary Soul

Dear refuge of my weary soul,
On Thee, when sorrows rise
On Thee, when waves of trouble roll,
My fainting hope relies
To Thee I tell each rising grief,
For Thou alone canst heal
Thy Word can bring a sweet relief,
For every pain I feel

But oh! When gloomy doubts prevail,
I fear to call Thee mine
The springs of comfort seem to fail,
And all my hopes decline
Yet gracious God, where shall I flee?
Thou art my only trust
And still my soul would cleave to Thee
Though prostrate in the dust

Hast Thou not bid me seek Thy face,
And shall I seek in vain?
And can the ear of sovereign grace,
Be deaf when I complain?
No still the ear of sovereign grace,
Attends the mourner's prayer
Oh may I ever find access,
To breathe my sorrows there

Thy mercy seat is open still,
Here let my soul retreat
With humble hope attend Thy will,
And wait beneath Thy feet,
Thy mercy seat is open still,
Here let my soul retreat
With humble hope attend Thy will,
And wait beneath Thy feet

Verse Three of Striken, Smitten, and Afflicted by Thomas Kelly

Ye who think of sin but lightly,
Nor suppose the evil great,
Here may view its nature rightly,
Here its guilt may estimate.
Mark the Sacrifice appointed!
See Who bears the awful load!
’Tis the Word, the Lord’s Anointed,
Son of Man, and Son of God.

More Coverage of the Christian Gospel Temple

http://www.wsmv.com/video/16337765/index.html

Removing the Blindfold

There is a Reason by Andrew Osenga and Randall Goodgame

Late at night I wonder why, sometimes I wonder why
Sometimes I’m so tired I don’t even try
Seems everything around me fails
But I hold onto the promise that there is a reason

Late at night the darkness makes it hard to see
The history of the saints who’ve gone in front of me
Through famine, plague, and disbelief
His hand was still upon them
Cause there is a reason, there is a reason

He makes all things good
He makes all things good
There’s a time to live a time to die
A time for wondering, to wonder why
Cause there is a reason, there is a reason
There is a reason

I believe that God who sent who sent His only Son
To walk upon this world and give His life for us
With blood and tears on a long dark night
And know that he believed there is a reason
There is a reason

He makes all things good
He makes all things good
There’s a time to live a time to die
A time for wondering, to wonder why
Cause there is a reason, there is a reason
There is a reason

The lonely nights the broken hearts
The widow’s mite in the rich man’s hand
And the continent whose blood becomes a traitor
A child afraid to close their eyes
The prayers that seem unanswered
There is a reason, there is a reason

He makes all things good
He makes all things good
There’s a time to live a time to die
A time for wondering, to wonder why
Cause there is a reason, there is a reason
There is a reason

The Danger of Perfectionism

I have written several times lately about my former cult, Christian Gospel Temple. Several of you have been asking me to write a book. If you're watching the news or reading the paper, you're able to keep up with the current situations regarding the sexual abuse. It is deplorable.

I've said before the cult shares no doctrine with orthodox Christianity. There are two doctrines that are especially dangerous. They are closely related. The first is that Jesus is God's first creation and not as much God as God the Father. The second is that his sacrifice wasn't enough to completely save those who have faith. The cult teaches born-again believers (and by born-again they mean those who have spoken in tongues) must overcome sin on this earth in order to be saved. When I was there it was called reaching perfection. I think they've dropped the word perfection in exchange for overcoming and maturity. On the surface, this appears to be a strong approach to sin. In reality, the approach takes sin very lightly. Here is some of the logic I was taught. They would ask, "Can you go one second without sinning? Then you can go one minute. Can you go for a minute? Then you can go for an hour. Can you go for an hour? Then you can make it a day...?"

The magnitude of sin is not realized. At this point in my life I am coming to realize more and more how holy God is. If sin is missing the mark of measuring up to his holiness, then I cannot go one second without sinning. By saying a person can be as holy and righteous as God by performing works, the cult is elevating man and lowering God. It is no coincidence they have such a vested interest in keeping Jesus lower than fully God.

I have seen two major consequences of this doctrinal error (which is far worse than mere legalism). The first is the hopelessness that develops over time when a person continues to realize they are falling short of God's holiness. This is the road I took when I was a member of the cult. I failed and failed and failed. I remember contemplating suicide because of not being perfect as a little boy. There was a book I used to read in elementary school about how to become perfect in three days. It consumed me because of how badly I wanted to please Jesus and be perfect. Even as a little guy, I knew I was sinful. I can't tell you how many times I just wanted to quit and leave God. I remember telling him I knew I would never be perfect, so I was just going to stop wasting his time. I remember also thinking, I would quit trying if I was never going to reach the goal. There was a mindset of, 'if I'm going to hell, I might as well go on my own terms.' I can tell you of so many people who leave the cult but never serve God. Many leave and turn their backs on God, but will fight for the cult. It is heart-breaking (And ties to another of their false teachings concerning a second chance at being perfect. They call it 'the resurrection.')

The other road, the more dangerous road, is to actually think you're perfect. I have heard people there talk about having one more sin to overcome and then they'll be perfect. I've talked to others who think they've gone days without sinning. People who think they're perfect are unbearable. I'm not talking about a superiority complex. I'm talking about people who actually think they are as holy as God for extended periods of time. Once again, for man to reach that level of holiness (other than through the gift of salvation given only through faith in Jesus Christ) God has to be lowered to an attainable level.

Again, this is not a serious view of sin or holiness. It makes a mockery of the biblical definition of both.

As I have watched the leadership belittle victims and compare covering up molestation to applying butter to a burn, I have been reminded of their doctrine of perfection. The reason they have been unable to repent, truly repent, is because they have to be perfect in order to be right with God. This type of thinking, extended over a period of years, corrupts a person's mind.

I'm thankful for being delivered from the cult for so many reasons. It would take a book to name them all. The reason I'm thankful today is for being assured of a God who loves me, not based on my performance, but on the performance of his Son. There is only one who has gone one second without sinning. There is only one who ever did anything without any type of mixed motive or agenda. He has freely exchanged that righteousness for his peoples' sin. He who knew no sin, has become sin for me. I am free to repent. I am free to admit my innumerable imperfections.

"At this very moment you and I are either committing [selfishness], or about to commit it, or repenting it." C.S. Lewis

Only One by Randall Goodgame

Left his seamless robe behind
Woke up in a stable crying
Lived and died and rose again
Savior for a guilty land

It’s a story like a children’s tune
And it’s grown familiar as the moon
So now I ride my camel high
And I’m aiming for the needle’s eye

I chased the wind, but I chased in vain
I chased the earth, but it would not sustain

There’s only one who never fails
To beckon the morning light
There’s only one who sets loose the gales
And ties the trees down tight
When all around my soul gives way
He is all my hope and stay
There’s only one, only one Holy One

Lord, You are my Prince of Peace
But this war brings me to my knees
See there’s a table You’ve prepared
And all my enemies are there
But where my Shepherd leads
Where else can I go
Who else fills my cup till it overflows

There’s only one who never fails
To beckon the morning light
There’s only one who sets loose the gales
And ties the trees down tight
When all around my soul gives way
He is all my hope and stay
There’s only one, only one Holy One

There’s only one who never fails
To beckon the morning light
There’s only one who sets loose the gales
And ties the trees down tight
To the Solid Rock I fly
Though He bids me come and die
There’s only one, only one Holy One

There’s only one who never fails
To beckon the morning light
There’s only one who sets loose the gales
And ties the trees down tight
When all around my soul gives way
He is all my hope and stay
And there’s only one, only one Holy One

Though the Wrong Seems oft so Strong...

 This is my Father's world.  
 O let me ne'er forget 
 that though the wrong seems oft so strong, 
 God is the ruler yet.  
 This is my Father's world:  
 why should my heart be sad?  
 The Lord is King; let the heavens ring!  
 God reigns; let the earth be glad!

Justification

Beginning of the End

Beginning of the End by Andy Gullahorn

Just a few hours left
It could have been worse
At least it’s all out on the table here between
Of who I really am , and who you thought I was
Yeah, there’s freedom, but the taste is bittersweet
When you’re hungry
For forgiveness

Truth comes like a thief
When the ceiling caves in
Such a sweet relief
The beginning of the end
You have to tear it apart
To get the pieces to mend
Strange place to start
The beginning of the end

So go ahead and cry
Get it all out
Take whatever you need to muster up the strength
To look me in the eye
And dig deep down
Far enough into the fire to find the place
Where we started
Do you remember?

Truth comes like a thief
When the ceiling caves in
Such a sweet relief the beginning of the end
You have to tear it apart to get the pieces to mend
Strange place to start
The beginning of the end

If you’re thinking
It’s worth saving
You have to tear it apart
Strange place to start
Beginning of the end

Truth comes like a thief
When the ceiling caves in
Such a sweet relief the beginning of the end
You have to tear it apart to get the pieces to mend
Strange place to start
The beginning of the end

Surreal

Last night the news ran a story on the cult where I was raised. Four women are suing the cult for covering up sexual abuse. I cannot even begin to explain the emotions I felt as I watched the news story. You can read about it and watch it here.

Lawsuits Brought Against Cult

I got a phone call telling me to watch a clip of my uncle speaking during one of the cult's meetings. In a post called 'If You're Looking for Something to Pray About' I wrote about him lying on his face in an act of false humility saying he would let God judge the situation. Now he is comparing his movement to David. In his latest message of spin he speaks of Absalom's revolt against David and David's willingness to let God judge the situation. (I'll give you this, your analogies are getting closer. Absalom was upset because David did nothing when his daughter Tamar was raped. But the analogies still leave much to be desired.) The leaders of the group are claiming they are being unjustly attacked! They are viewing the news story above as persecution. Four women (and the actual number is exponentially higher) were molested because of the pastor's warped values and perverted sense of justice. This is not persecution. Don't hide behind words like anointed and persecution. Wake up! Repent!

The cult's leader said on the news that he believed the accusations to be false. That is a bold faced lie. I sat in a meeting where he attempted to apologize for the cover-ups. He didn't apologize, he spun. He compared covering up molestation to putting butter on a burn. That is not an apology, but if you follow his logic he is saying there were misjudgments. You can't have it both ways. Either there was no misjudgment or you're in the wrong. There isn't ANY gray area here.

Members of Christian Gospel Temple, you are not being persecuted. You are not victims. Stop the act. Stop the false humility and self-centered victim complex. Your pastors and elders cover up child abuse. If you are there, you are playing a part in the abuse.

As for the not taking your brother to court excuse, please take a look at this sermon outline.

Mark Driscoll - Changed By Jesus

You can also listen to the sermon by going to this website and following the links to the 1 Corinthian series of sermons. The sermon is called, 'Christians Gone Wild - Changed By Jesus'

Christian Gospel Temple, don't mistake an Ahitophel for a Nathan. Don't mistake loving correction for persecution. Who was a greater friend to David - Nathan or those who left his sin unchallenged? Your leaders are leading you down an arrogant path of willful ignorance and stubborn dishonesty. Those of us who have left are trying to speak the truth in love and tell you what we see.

The Sweetness of Repentance

The sweetness of repentance is one of the greatest joys of the Christian life. For the Christian, Jesus took every act of disobedience upon himself on the cross. He paid the debt in full. He has clothed us with his righteousness. We are so joined to him Paul boldly says we already sit with him in heavenly places. He not only took our sin, but he gave us his righteousness. Paul says we have been made complete in him. We have every spiritual blessing. These truths free the Christian for a life of repentance. Knowing God sees me as completely holy in Christ, I am free to admit my sin. Knowing the debt is paid and I am free allows me to see the depths of my heart without fear. As we grow and mature in obedience we also grow in the knowledge of our sin. If we truly see God's holiness, we will be forced to see the depths of our own sin. This is the Christian life.

These are two of my favorite quotes and my favorite hymn of repentance.

"I sometimes wonder that you do not get tired of my preaching, because I do nothing but hammer away on this one nail. With me it is, year after year, ‘None but Jesus! None but Jesus!’ Oh, you great saints, if you have outgrown the need of a sinner’s trust in the Lord Jesus, you have outgrown your sins, but you have also outgrown your grace, and your saintship has ruined you!" C.H. Spurgeon

"Take ten looks at the cross for every one look at your sin." Robert Murray McCheyne


Psalm 130 (From Depths of Woe) by Martin Luther

From the depths of woe I raise to Thee
The voice of lamentation;
Lord, turn a gracious ear to me
And hear my supplication;
If Thou iniquities dost mark,
Our secret sins and misdeeds dark,

O who shall stand before Thee?
(Who shall stand before Thee?)
O who shall stand before Thee?
(Who shall stand before Thee?)

To wash away the crimson stain,
Grace, grace alone availeth;
Our works, alas! Are all in vain;
In much the best life faileth;
No man can glory in Thy sight,
All must alike confess Thy might,

And live alone by mercy
(Live alone by mercy)
And live alone by mercy
(Live alone by mercy)

Therefore my trust is in the Lord,
And not in mine own merit;
On Him my soul shall rest, His word
Upholds my fainting spirit;
His promised mercy is my fort,
My comfort and my sweet support;

I wait for it with patience
(Wait for it with patience)
I wait for it with patience
(Wait for it with patience)

What though I wait the live-long night,
And ’til the dawn appeareth,
My heart still trusteth in His might;
It doubteth not nor feareth;
Do thus, O ye of Israel’s seed,
Ye of the Spirit born indeed;

And wait ’til God appeareth
(Wait ’til God appeareth)
And wait ’til God appeareth
(Wait ’til God appeareth)

Though great our sins and sore our woes
His grace much more aboundeth;
His helping love no limit knows,
Our upmost need it soundeth.
Our Shepherd good and true is He,
Who will at last His Israel free

From all their sin and sorrow
(All their sin and sorrow)
From all their sin and sorrow
(All their sin and sorrow)

New Post at Coram Deo Sports

The Hurt

Thankful

I become more aware everyday of how incapable I am of doing good. The more I grow, the more sinful I realize I am. As I have contemplated where God has delivered me from I am humbled by how undeserving I am. There is nothing good in me to explain why I was set free. I have some friends who are adopting a child from China this week. As I was being told about their trip over there I realized the only thing I could do was ask God to help them. I had some other friends who had a tough weekend. All I could do was pray for them. As I continue to write about my former cult and try to put forth arguments of why it is evil and people should leave, I'm reminded the most powerful thing I can do is pray for them.

I am weak and can't do anything on my own. Anything I have is from his gracious hand. I know my heart. I would run from him in a second. I do it all day. But, he always welcomes me home. His love cannot fail. He grants repentance. He gives more grace. Salvation belongs to him.

I'm thankful for his grace. My mind is being flooded with lyrics from different songs as I write this. I'll start with this one, but I'm sure others will follow this week.

Thankful by Derek Webb (performed by Caedmon's Call)

You know I ran across
An old box of letters
When I was bagging up some clothes for goodwill

But you know I had to laugh
At the same old struggles
That plagued me then are plaguing me still

‘Cause I know the road is long
From the ground to glory
But a boy can hope he’s getting some place

But you see I’m running from
The very clothes I’m wearing
And dressed like this I’m fit for the chase

You know there is none righteous
Not one who understands
There is none who seeks God no not one
No not one

So I am thankful that I’m incapable of doing any good on my own yeah
Said I’m so thankful that I’m incapable of doing any good on my own yeah

‘Cause we’re all still-born
Dead in our transgressions
Shackled up to the sin we hold so dear

What part can I play
In the work of redemption
‘Cause I can’t refuse and I cannot add a thing

‘Cause I am just like Lazarus
And I can hear your voice
And I stand and rub my eyes and walk to you
Because I have no choice

‘Cause it’s by grace I have been saved
And through faith it’s not my own
It is a gift of God and not by works
Lest anyone should boast

Happy Mother's Day

Watching Rebecca with the boys is amazing. She gives and gives and gives and gives. They take and take and take and take. We were at dinner with some friends who are having a baby and she was telling them about the hair-loss and cavities that came from nursing two babies in two years. She has given so much. We are extremely blessed with two incredible little guys. I firmly believe it starts with her. I've never seen such sacrificial love.

I put this song on my website on her birthday, but it seems like a good one to put back up for Mother's Day.

Happy Mother's Day, Rebecca. I love you.

Sacred by Randall Goodgame and Andrew Osenga

This house is a good mess it’s the proof of life
No way would I trade jobs but I don’t pay overtime
I’ll get to the laundry I don’t know when
I’m saying a prayer tonight cause tomorrow it starts again

Could it be that everything is sacred
And all this time
Everything I’ve dreamed of has been right before my eyes

The children are sleeping but they’re running through my mind
The sun makes them happy and the music makes them unwind
My cup runneth over, I worry about the stain
Teach me to run to you like they run to me for every little thing

Cause everything is sacred
And all this time
Everything I’ve dreamed of has been right before my eyes

When I forget to drink from you I can feel the banks harden
Lord make me like a stream to feed the garden

Wake up little sleeper
The Lord God Almighty
Made your mama keeper
So rise and shine, rise and shine, rise and shine

Cause everything is sacred
And all this time
Everything I’ve dreamed of has been right before my eyes

And happy Mother's Day mom. You're an incredible mom and grandma. Thanks for loving us.

Who Is On the Lord's Side by Frances Havergal

Who Is on the Lord's Side?

Who is on the Lord’s side?
Who will serve the King?
Who will be His helpers,
other lives to bring?
Who will leave the world’s side?
Who will face the foe?
Who is on the Lord’s side?
Who for Him will go?
By Thy call of mercy,
by Thy grace divine,
We are on the Lord’s side—
Savior, we are Thine!

Not for weight of glory,
not for crown and palm,
Enter we the army,
raise the warrior psalm;
But for love that claimeth lives
for whom He died:
He whom Jesus nameth
must be on His side.
By Thy call of mercy,
by Thy grace divine,
We are on the Lord’s side—
Savior, we are Thine!

Jesus, Thou hast bought us,
not with gold or gem,
But with Thine own life blood,
for Thy diadem;
With Thy blessing filling each
who comes to Thee,
Thou hast made us willing,
Thou hast made us free.
By Thy grand redemption,
by Thy grace divine,
We are on the Lord’s side—
Savior, we are Thine!

Fierce may be the conflict,
strong may be the foe,
But the King’s own army
none can overthrow;
’Round His standard ranging,
victory is secure,
For His truth unchanging
makes the triumph sure.
Joyfully enlisting
by Thy grace divine,
We are on the Lord’s side—
Savior, we are Thine!

Who will stand for justice
in a time of need
Who will hear the poor man
and his children plead
Who will heal the rich man
of his poverty
Who will tell the homeless
of eternity
By Your love and mercy,
and Your grace divine
We are on the Lord's side
We are on the Lord’s side—
Savior, we are Thine!

Augustine Quote

"God promises forgiveness for repentance; He does not promise tomorrow for procrastination." Augustine of Hippo

Slowly Wear You Down

Last week I wrote about how shocking to it is to see people I know are decent and ethical make exceptions as their cult defends the blatant overlooking of child molestation. I've been thinking a lot about that and how it happens. It reminded me of a conversation I had with the current pastor.

Rebecca and I had been dating for a couple months. When she and I met I warned her about my church. I told her it was a church with a lot of problems, but I felt compelled to stay and help it change. She has told me several times since that if I hadn't been upfront with her about recognizing the issues, we probably wouldn't be together. One of the group's rules was that women should wear skirts or dresses to church. At the time they also taught that women had to wear dresses everywhere. So after one service, the pastor took me aside and asked me to ask Rebecca if she would start wearing dresses or skirts to church instead of pants. (The best part of this is that Rebecca didn't even realize she was the only one in pants. She wasn't focused on the outward appearances.) When he asked me, I told him I would ask her if he could show me the scripture where it says she can't wear pants to church. Obviously, he couldn't. I told him I wouldn't go against my conscience and ask her to do something God doesn't ask her to do. His reply was an excellent example of how the cult wears people down. He said, "Danny, it could be the difference in you having a leadership position." I told him, "No thanks."

This is the way the leadership of the group works. They ask you to make small exceptions to your conscience. Their requests gradually become larger and more demanding, but you don't notice because it is a slow process. Cults always have rules about hair length, makeup, and wardrobe because it is a backdoor into controlling the rest of a person's life. With this group, it began with hair and makeup and ended with the founding pastor telling three hundred people to move to Tennessee. And the scary thing is, we did.

One thing that has struck me as sad the past couple years is I have heard they have begun to cut back on some of the wardrobe and hair length rules. I have heard several of the members celebrate their new freedom to wear what they want to wear. Now, when you're still a part of the cult that feels like freedom. But when you're out, and your eyes have been open to the control and manipulation, you see the tragedy of an adult being excited they get to pick out their own clothes. Their excitement only points to the fact that they're still being told what they can and can't wear. The cult leaders are still in control. It's just a more deceptive and subtle control.

I mentioned earlier about telling Rebecca about the problems I saw when I was still inside the group. It reminded me of something the current pastor always said, "Don't judge a church by its problems. Judge it by how it deals with its problems." When I left, I wrote him a letter telling him that was one of the reasons I was leaving. The group didn't deal with its problems. I hope others will use the same method of judgment.

Remembering Three Conversations

Obviously, my past has been on my mind lately. I have been in touch with some others who have left the cult. It has been inspiring to talk to others who have been given the gift of sight and freedom. As I have talked to my friends, I have been reminded of three conversations that really show some of the difficult roads cult members have to travel to leave.

As I was leaving the cult I saw one of their more admired members in a furniture store. The man is older and well respected by the group as well as by those of us who have left. I vaguely asked him if he ever struggled with all of the issues facing the group. He responded by asking, "Where else could I go?" The man had been so brainwashed into thinking the cult was the only place to find God's truth. He realized there were huge issues, but he realized he couldn't go anywhere else to be taught the doctrines of the cult.

A short time after I had left I asked my uncle if one of my cousins could spend some time with me. It was a long conversation, but ended with him making the statement that if it came down to my cousin's salvation or spending time with me, he would choose his salvation. Once again, salvation was tied to the exclusive doctrines of the group. Exposure to me would be exposure to doctrines contrary to what the cult teaches, so exposure to me had to be squashed.

The third conversation is one that took place with the current pastor. He graciously met me at Starbucks when I told him I had heard some troubling things and hoped they weren't true. He certainly didn't owe me that meeting. As the conversation progressed, it became pretty tense. He concluded the meeting with this, "Well, Danny, I can't ignore what you're saying because God even used a dumb-ass to speak to Balaam. I told him I had been called worse and he tried to assure me he in no way meant to insinuate I was a dumb-ass. This type of passive-aggressive behavior is one of the ways the leadership tries to manipulate their followers and dissenters.

I have replayed these conversations in my mind several times this week. There are many others that also come to mind. I think the conversations give a general overview of the fear, control, and manipulation people have to battle if they're going to leave the group. It isn't an easy or quick process, but the freedom is definitely worth the pain. I don't know of anyone who has left who misses the cult. We miss people. We miss family and friends. What we don't miss is the secret truths the group claims to have. We don't miss the fear, control, or manipulation. The freedom and the desire for others to have the freedom speaks to the overwhelming joy of having our chains removed.

C.S. Lewis Quote

Heaven offers nothing that a mercenary soul can desire.

C.S. Lewis

Angry...At Myself

The news of the lawsuit filed against the cult where I was raised has reached the members. This weekend the band leader began their service with the song, "God of Our Fathers." This is the group being sued because of the founding pastor covering up the child molestation committed by his his brother. The brother went on to molest several other children in the group. "God of Our Fathers" seems like a fitting choice for a group wanting to draw a line in the sand. Their response to the lawsuit has basically been a bold and resounding, 'God will judge us."

I commented a week ago about my uncle, an elder in the cult, who laid on his face and said his reaction to dissenters is to act like Moses and let God judge. The pastor (who is married to the daughter of the former pastor who covered up the molestation) has openly declared his actions just and welcomed God's judgment.

One of the doctrines that holds the group together is their belief that God is restoring his church. Men like Martin Luther were rebuilding God's spiritual temple. If you're familiar with Solomon's temple you know the outer courts contained an altar and a washing basin with mirrors around the edge. The group believes that different portions of church history are different restorations of those pieces of the temple. The charismatic movement of the early 20th century, they claim, is the restoration of the washing basin. Now their belief is that the mirrors are being restored as they are given the 'deeper' truths of God's word. All this to say, they believe their group is restoring the true church and other churches play the role of Babylon. Babylon is the great enemy of the cult.

And here is the ultimate irony. Babylon was built in Genesis 11. The world decided to band together and build a tower to reach the heavens. The cry was, 'let's get together and impress God.' Now the group which is so terrified and wary of Babylon is building it's own tower. When the leadership of a group that claims to be Christian reacts by saying, "Let God judge me," they are guilty of the ultimate form of worldliness.

Take your best obedience. I'm talking about the place where you have the least struggle. It might be a gift or talent. It might be how friendly you are or how honest you are. Would you dare approach God's holy throne with that obedience and tell him to judge you? I shudder to think of what my obedience would be before His throne. My only plea is the blood of Jesus. I will never stand before him and tell him to judge me based on me. One of my favorite lines from a hymn is from Isaac Watts, 'I Boast No More" where he writes, "the best obedience of my hands - dares not appear before thy throne." Isaiah says our righteousness is a filthy rag before God. No one will ever stand before the throne of God and demand his judgment. They might as well shout, "Look at my tower."

The title of this post is Angry...At Myself. I am. I wish so badly that I could just not care. I have been asked by members of the cult why I just can't disappear and leave them alone. The simple answer is I love them. I went through a period when I thought I was going to be their savior. I went through another where I made myself their judge. I repent for thinking I was either. I'm clearly not. I'm just a guy who loves them. I love them with a deep love that wants what is best for them. My heart is torn apart when I hear an arrogant response to such a detestable crime. Their public declarations have been flippant and trite. They have mocked and ridiculed victims of abuse while singing proudly about their heritage which consists of terrible abusers of power. I wish I could just walk away. I wish I could obey their wishes and just disappear, but I can't. God has delivered me from the bondage of their false religion. He has opened my eyes and planted me firmly in his gospel. He has taken my filthy rags and clothed me in the righteousness of his son. I stand before him complete because of a passive righteousness I can do nothing but accept by faith. I can't keep quiet.

I know I won't save them. I know I can't judge them. But I can, and must, continue to speak truth to them. Maybe nobody from there even reads this site. Who knows? But if you go there and you're reading. I love you. I speak out because I love you. I understand that the things I'm saying on this site are strong and could be taken as unloving. From the outside of your group, the actions being taken by your leaders reek of arrogance.

Flannery O'Conner wrote, "When you can assume that your audience holds the same beliefs you do, you can relax a little and use more normal means of talking to it; when you have to assume that it does not, then you have to make your vision apparent by shock—to the hard of hearing you shout, and for the almost-blind you draw large and startling figures.

As the arrogance grows, so will the urgency of warnings and pleadings made by those of us who have left.

I probably need to wrap this up. But before I do, I will say once more. I love the members of my former cult. I feel as though I am dead to them. I understand that, but they are not dead to me. And as much as I wish I could just walk away and not think about those I love who I believe to be in bondage is impossible. I will continue to write and oppose them because I believe it is the most loving thing I can do.

I Boast No More

No more, my God, I boast no more
Of all the duties I have done;
I quit the hopes I held before,
To trust the merits of Thy Son

No more my God,
No more my God,
No more my God,
I boast no more.

Now, for the loss I bear His name,
What was my gain I count my loss;
My former pride I call my shame,
And nail my glory to His cross.

Yes, and I must and will esteem
All things but loss for Jesus’ sake;
O may my soul be found in Him,
And of His righteousness partake!

The best obedience of my hands
Dares not appear before Thy throne;
But faith can answer Thy demands,
By pleading what my Lord has done.

Dorothy Sayers Quote

This was posted in the comment section under the Becky Pippert quote. I wanted to make sure everyone saw it. Thanks to Karen Fentress for the quote (and for being Karen Fentress - an Abundant Redemption favorite reader).

“In the world it is called Tolerance, but in hell it is called Despair, the sin that believes in nothing, cares for nothing, seeks to know nothing, interferes with nothing, enjoys nothing, hates nothing, finds purpose in nothing, lives for nothing, and remains alive because there is nothing for which it will die.” -Dorothy Sayers

This Too Shall Be Made Right by Derek Webb

Becky Pippert Quote

"Think how we feel when we see someone we love ravaged by unwise actions or relationships. Do we respond with benign tolerance as we might toward strangers? Far from it…. Anger isn't the opposite of love. Hate is, and the final form of hate is indifference." - Becky Pippert

John Chrysostom Quote

"He that is angry without cause sins, but he who is not angry when there is cause sins. For unreasonable patience is the hotbed of many vices." - John Chrysostom