Not What I Had Imagined

When Rebecca works in the nursery and I teach Sunday School we always end up taking Joshua to the big service instead of Sunday School. Rebecca usually works the second and fourth Sundays. Our church takes Communion on the first Sunday of every month, so Joshua has never been in the service during Communion. That changed this Sunday.

I started thinking about it Saturday night. My mind played out his questions and my answers pertaining to the Lord's Supper...

"Daddy, why are you eating that? What are you drinking?"

"Well, Joshua. Jesus died for our sins and rose from the grave. He left us this meal because he knows we are weak and forgetful. He knows he need to hold, taste, and touch his goodness. When we eat this meal he is with us in a very special way. He has given us means of grace to know him and love him."

"Oh, daddy. God is so good and so full of grace. I know I'm only three, but I feel the weight and burden of my sin. I've not only done things I shouldn't have done. I've neglected the things I'm supposed to have done. I repent for my sins. I repent, even for my good deeds, which I know earn me nothing in the sight of this amazing, gracious God. I want to repent. I want to serve Jesus and be part of his Covenant Community. I want to partake in the sacrament and enjoy the means of grace."

All was going according to plan. I carried him in my arms as Rebecca and I approached the table. The elders smiled as they handed me the bread and wine. They told me about Christ's body, broken for me. And his blood, spilled for me. I could tell Joshua was paying close attention and taking in the experience. We walked back to our row and I sat down, still holding the bread and wine. I bowed, prayed, and ate the bread. I bowed, prayed again, and lifted the cup to drink. All of this while the worship leader sang, "How wonderful! How marvelous! And my song shall ever be. How wonderful! How marvelous! Is my savior's love for me!

I had tears in my eyes.

And, boom.

As the cup approached my mouth, Joshua's hand did as well. I don't know why he was reaching for my head, but he was. The wine flew out of the cup onto both of our pants and shirts. We were covered in purple blotches. He just looked at me. Rebecca, unaware of any of this, and possibly still imagining our son's conversion, looked at me with an adoring smile. I told her we spilled the wine and she rushed out to the restroom with Joshua in tow.

So, it wasn't quite what I had pictured, and he hasn't asked me anymore about it since Sunday, but the moment was still sweet and full of grace. Not much goes as planned these days. At least not as far as my plans are concerned. But even the most frustrating events are filled with God's goodness and I know he's getting us where we are going.