Exit 82 - Rediscovering Rich

A lot of emotions have been building up lately. It's one of those times in life when it seems like there's a perfect storm brewing that brings everything to the top. As I drove the Letherers back to Jackson Sunday evening, I could feel the weight of the past couple of years beginning to break.

Greg plays a unique role in my life. We've been friends for almost twenty years. He's walked through my darkest times with me. We only talk once a month and sometimes even once every two months, but I always know I can just call. With him leaving for China for two years, I know that call won't be so easy. Cathy was in the back row of the van, asleep with the kids while Greg and I talked in the front. I knew his car was parked at mile 82 and as the numbers slowly dwindled, the lump in my throat rose.

After we said goodbye and I got back into my car to drive home, the dam broke. I haven't cried like that in a few years (I think it was the drive home to get cleaned up after Joshua was born). It was refreshing and good. I felt washed and ready to take another shot at facing the current struggles and lack of contentment in my own life.

After that kind of cry, the silence shouts. I needed some music, but nothing seemed to fit. I scrolled through the ipod and found Rich Mullins' Songs. I'll be listening to Rich for the next few weeks.

There's Bound to Come Some Trouble in Your Life

There's bound to come some trouble to your life
But that ain't nothing to be afraid of
There's bound to come some trouble to your life
But that ain't no reason to fear
I know there's bound to come some trouble to your life
But reach out to Jesus, hold on tight
He's been there before and He knows what it's like
You'll find He's there

There's bound to come some tears up in your eyes
That ain't nothing to be ashamed of
I know there's bound to come some tears up in your eyes
That ain't no reason to fear
I know there's bound to come some tears up in your eyes
Reach out to Jesus, hold on tight
He's been there before and He knows what it's like
You'll find He's there

Now, People say maybe things will get better
People say maybe it won't be long
And people say maybe you'll wake up tomorrow
And it'll all be gone
Well I only know that maybes just ain't enough
When you need something to hold on
There's only one thing that's clear

I know there's bound to come some trouble to your life
But that ain't nothing to be afraid of
I know there's bound to come some tears up in your eyes
That ain't no reason to fear
I know there's bound to come some trouble to your life
Reach out to Jesus, hold on tight
He's been there before and He knows what it's like
You'll find He's there

Fanny's Debut

I've posted a lot of hymns on this website. Shockingly, I think this is Fanny's debut.

O Heart Bereaved And Lonely

O heart bereaved and lonely,
Whose brightest dreams have fled
Whose hopes like summer roses,
Are withered crushed and dead
Though link by link be broken,
And tears unseen may fall
Look up amid thy sorrow,
To Him who knows it all

O cling to thy Redeemer,
Thy Savior, Brother, Friend
Believe and trust His promise,
To keep you till the end
O watch and wait with patience,
And question all you will
His arms of love and mercy,
Are round about thee still

Look up, the clouds are breaking,
The storm will soon be o'er
And thou shall reach the haven,
Where sorrows are no more
Look up, be not discouraged;
Trust on, whate'er befall
Remember, O remember,
Thy Savior knows it all

A Gift

Rebecca and I initially thought we would be meeting the Letherers in Memphis this weekend. I was going to skip Sunday School to meet up with them. The leader of the class decided the class was going to break up into small groups and get to know each other a little more. As I was leaving last week, the worship leader asked if I would share my testimony sometime soon.

When I found out the Letherers were coming here instead of meeting up in Memphis, we decided to make this the testimony Sunday instead of breaking up into small groups. I am blown away by God's grace in allowing Greg and Cathy to be here the week I shared my story of deliverance from false religion with the class. Greg is such a large part of the story.

I am humbled that the Great God of the universe cares enough about my life to orchestrate such an incredible gift.

A Little More Dorothy

A society in which consumption has to be artificially stimulated in order to keep production going is a society founded on trash and waste, and such a society is a house built upon sand. -Dorothy Sayers

A Snack Toast

Jim Rome toasted the U.S. Soccer team with a Capri Sun. That is one of the funniest things I've seen in awhile.

Encouraged and Excited

I wrote a few months ago about two of my most influential friends. Greg Letherer was my math teacher and basketball coach in eighth and ninth grade. He was the first person to really introduce me to the gospel. Eighth grade was the year God began to expose many of the lies I had been taught growing up in the cult.

The other friend is Stuart Latimer. Stuart was a pastor at the church that started the school where I teach. Stuart patiently led me to the miraculous grace of the gospel. He introduced me to Tim Keller's sermons and has been encouraging me to pursue pastoring for several years.

I've known for a few weeks that I might be getting to see them both this week, but I found out yesterday that they're both coming to my house to spend a few days. I haven't seen Greg since July of 2005. I haven't seen Stuart since last summer.

It's hard to even say what I'm feeling with both of them coming this week. It seems dramatic, but I am overwhelmed with gratitude that I get to see them both in the same week. The last two years have been the toughest I've ever experienced. Especially in terms of ministering to and even just getting along with other people. I feel encouraged beyond words that God is giving me the gift of time with these two friends this week.

I Want to Name My Daughter Dorothy

"Somehow or other, and with the best intentions, we have shown the world the typical Christian in the likeness of a crashing and rather ill-natured bore - and this in the Name of One who assuredly never bored a soul in those thirty-three years during which he passed through this world like a flame." - Dorothy Sayers

Psalm 83

Psalm 83

A song. A psalm of Asaph.

¹ O God, do not keep silent;
be not quiet, O God, be not still.

² See how your enemies are astir,
how your foes rear their heads.

³ With cunning they conspire against your people;
they plot against those you cherish.

⁴ "Come," they say, "let us destroy them as a nation,
that the name of Israel be remembered no more."

⁵ With one mind they plot together;
they form an alliance against you-

⁶ the tents of Edom and the Ishmaelites,
of Moab and the Hagrites,

⁷ Gebal, ^a]">[a] Ammon and Amalek,
Philistia, with the people of Tyre.

⁸ Even Assyria has joined them
to lend strength to the descendants of Lot.
Selah

⁹ Do to them as you did to Midian,
as you did to Sisera and Jabin at the river Kishon,

¹⁰ who perished at Endor
and became like refuse on the ground.

¹¹ Make their nobles like Oreb and Zeeb,
all their princes like Zebah and Zalmunna,

¹² who said, "Let us take possession
of the pasturelands of God."

¹³ Make them like tumbleweed, O my God,
like chaff before the wind.

¹⁴ As fire consumes the forest
or a flame sets the mountains ablaze,

¹⁵ so pursue them with your tempest
and terrify them with your storm.

¹⁶ Cover their faces with shame
so that men will seek your name, O LORD.

¹⁷ May they ever be ashamed and dismayed;
may they perish in disgrace.

¹⁸ Let them know that you, whose name is the LORD—
that you alone are the Most High over all the earth.

31 1/2 Gift Ideas

I overheard some people talking and asking each other what they should get me for my thirty-first and a half birthday.

Look no further.

I'm Batman - You're Not Batman - Fight

Andrew is willing to resort to violence to deny Joshua's belief that he is Batman. It probably shouldn't make me smile.

The guilty party was punished and quickly said, "Sorry, Butter." I think he means brother.

Home

The first three weeks of summer are over. It was a whirlwind that ended on Rattlesnake Ridge. We left the day school ended and headed to Georgia. After Georgia, we headed to Florida for ten days. We were home for a little over a week before heading out on a mission trip to Appalachia in the mountains of Kentucky. We arrived home last night at eleven and got the boys from my in-laws after church this afternoon.

We met them for lunch after church. The boys didn't see us pull up, so when we walked around the car we got to see their eyes light up when they saw us. I'd be willing to bet our eyes were even bigger. We missed them badly.

We held them in the resturaunt for the first twenty or thirty minutes we were there. Joshua kept rubbing his face against mine. Even though we had slept in our house the night before, we weren't home until we got our boys.

In moments like these I'm reminded of God's promises. We sang a song in Sunday School today that closes with these words,

"I looked to Jesus, and I found
In Him my star, my sun;
And in that light of life I’ll walk
’Til pilgrim days are done."

Holding the boys and feeling their longing for us gave another glimpse of the embrace I'm waiting for from my Heavenly Father. I'm not home, yet. These pilgrim days go on and we wait for all things to be made right. The hug of a parent and a child is just another reminder of the restoration of all things. He's coming back and we will hold him, light up to see him, and even be like him. I'm thankful again for eyes of faith to see the promises of his grace.

Not What I Had Imagined

When Rebecca works in the nursery and I teach Sunday School we always end up taking Joshua to the big service instead of Sunday School. Rebecca usually works the second and fourth Sundays. Our church takes Communion on the first Sunday of every month, so Joshua has never been in the service during Communion. That changed this Sunday.

I started thinking about it Saturday night. My mind played out his questions and my answers pertaining to the Lord's Supper...

"Daddy, why are you eating that? What are you drinking?"

"Well, Joshua. Jesus died for our sins and rose from the grave. He left us this meal because he knows we are weak and forgetful. He knows he need to hold, taste, and touch his goodness. When we eat this meal he is with us in a very special way. He has given us means of grace to know him and love him."

"Oh, daddy. God is so good and so full of grace. I know I'm only three, but I feel the weight and burden of my sin. I've not only done things I shouldn't have done. I've neglected the things I'm supposed to have done. I repent for my sins. I repent, even for my good deeds, which I know earn me nothing in the sight of this amazing, gracious God. I want to repent. I want to serve Jesus and be part of his Covenant Community. I want to partake in the sacrament and enjoy the means of grace."

All was going according to plan. I carried him in my arms as Rebecca and I approached the table. The elders smiled as they handed me the bread and wine. They told me about Christ's body, broken for me. And his blood, spilled for me. I could tell Joshua was paying close attention and taking in the experience. We walked back to our row and I sat down, still holding the bread and wine. I bowed, prayed, and ate the bread. I bowed, prayed again, and lifted the cup to drink. All of this while the worship leader sang, "How wonderful! How marvelous! And my song shall ever be. How wonderful! How marvelous! Is my savior's love for me!

I had tears in my eyes.

And, boom.

As the cup approached my mouth, Joshua's hand did as well. I don't know why he was reaching for my head, but he was. The wine flew out of the cup onto both of our pants and shirts. We were covered in purple blotches. He just looked at me. Rebecca, unaware of any of this, and possibly still imagining our son's conversion, looked at me with an adoring smile. I told her we spilled the wine and she rushed out to the restroom with Joshua in tow.

So, it wasn't quite what I had pictured, and he hasn't asked me anymore about it since Sunday, but the moment was still sweet and full of grace. Not much goes as planned these days. At least not as far as my plans are concerned. But even the most frustrating events are filled with God's goodness and I know he's getting us where we are going.

Begone Unbelief

Begone Unbelief by John Newton and Kevin Twit

Begone unbelief, My Savior is near,
And for my relief Will surely appear:
By faith let me wrestle, with God in the storm
And help me my Savior, the faith to adorn
And help me my Savior, the faith to adorn

Though dark be my way, Since he is my guide,
'Tis mine to obey, and His to provide;
Though cisterns be broken, And creatures all fail,
The word he has spoken will surely prevail.
The word he has spoken will surely prevail.

Begone unbelief, The Savior is here
Though cisterns be broken And creatures all fail
The word he has spoken will surely prevail
The word he has spoken will surely prevail

Why should I complain, Of want or distress
Temptation or pain? He told me no less
The heirs of salvation, I know from his word
Through much tribulation Must follow their Lord
Through much tribulation Must follow their Lord

Since all that I meet will work for my good,
The bitter is sweet, The medicine food;
Though painful at present, will cease before long,
And then, O! how glorious, The conqueror's song!
And then, O! how glorious, The conqueror's song!

Jake Butler

Rebecca received a phone call from a friend this afternoon asking if we knew a former CPA student named Jake who had passed away. I made a few phone calls to former players and sadly found out the story was true. Jake fell from a balcony and died in a tragic accident.

I coached Jake when he was an eighth grader in 2001-2002. He was on the team I was coaching when Rebecca and I got engaged. It was one of the most special teams I've coached and God used them to teach me so much about life, hard work, and fighting against my own fears. He also worked for me three summers ago at a Covenant camp.

I'll remember a lot about Jake. He had a great sense of humor and never took himself too seriously. He was kind and worked really well with the elementary school kids at camp. My favorite memory of Jake was the way he ran suicides in basketball practice. You're supposed hit each stop on each line and quickly turn around to run back to the baseline. Jake's stops and starts were more of a round and go. It was fun to joke with him about it.

Please pray for his family as they mourn his loss. Pray for his friends and for the CPA family. The amount of tragedy that has hit CPA this past year is devastating.

Grace - Getting What I Don't Deserve

The day I was baptized the sermon was about broken marriage and God's redeeming grace. Rebecca and I are both children of divorced parents. We love and enjoy all of our parents and step-parents, and God has redeemed each of the relationships, but divorce even in it's best case, is difficult to say the least. Being baptized was a decision that took me a long time to make. I had been baptized as a six or seven year old in the congregation I grew up in. I do think I had faith in the true Jesus when I was baptized, but I was not baptized in the name of the true Christ. The Jesus I was baptized into that day was a created Jesus who was little more than a glorified example for me to follow. I met with pastors and decided I needed to be baptized into the true Jesus, the uncreated, eternal God the Son.

So, on the day of my baptism, Rebecca Joshua, and Andrew came to stand behind me. I held Joshua as the pastors asked me questions about my faith in the gospel and told a little bit of my story. My pastor, Scotty, told the church that I had grown up in a place that failed to preach the gospel. I knelt for baptism and felt the cold refreshing water rush down my back. I held onto Scotty's leg and listened to him pray.

The redemption of the day overwhelmed me. Not only had God faithfully delivered me from the bondage and false religion of a cult. He had redeemed my family and given Rebecca and I a marriage of grace and forgiveness and children who are learning the gospel every day.

We took this picture a couple days ago at the beach. When I look at it I'm reminded of God's grace and redemption in my life. I think of the refreshing water of baptism and the promises of God.

Grace, like the waves of the ocean (or Gulf of Mexico) will always come. There will always be another wave of grace. We don't make it, but we are welcomed to jump in and splash around in it's life-changing wonder.

Golf With Reverend Hayes

I'm out the door to play some golf with Old James Hayes. You love his comments. Now vote for him in the new poll question.

The Gift of Repentance

I laid in bed awake from three to four last night. Restless and feeling the weight of sin, the Holy Spirit convicted my heart and pointed me to Jesus. He brought issue after issue to my mind and loved me toward repentance. I've been repenting, but it's been a lot of surfacy stuff. This was different. The repentance was for things I hadn't really realized or taken full ownership in. It was sweet and joyful. I woke up feeling lighter and full of grace and peace. It's amazing when it happens. I'm grateful for the kindness of God that leads to repentance.

This morning I was reminded of a chapter in a book by Mark Driscoll called, 'Death by Love.' I highly recommend the book. It describes how Jesus atonement heals and ministers to our deepest longings and hurts. In the particular chapter, Driscoll talks about a guy named Hank who was guilty of sins most of us wouldn't even imagine doing. He had abused multiple women physically, emotionally, and sexually. This behavior was also carried out on his own daughters. He met Driscoll in a pastoral meeting and Iwas shocked by Driscoll's initial approach. Instead of rushing him to the cross, he pushed him deeper into the reality of his own sin. He told him he deserved hell and told him to make a list of every sin he could remember committing. When Hank returned with the list, Driscoll told him to make another list of how to atone for each sin. Hank attempted the list, but returned to Driscoll and told him he could never do it. He was old and dying, and even if he had all the time in the world he would never be able to right every wrong he had committed.


Hank said, "I cannot pay everyone back that I stole from and ripped off because I don't have any money. I can't make up for the things I've done because it's too late. I can't even call the people I hurt to say I'm sorry because I don't even know where to find them and some are dead. I tried calling my daughters and they refused to even talk to me. I am so sick that that I can't even leave my bed to try to make anything right."

Driscoll asked Hank where he thought he was going and Hank replied, "I'm going to hell." Driscoll told him he was right and then proceeded to tell him about the ransom Jesus paid on the cross.

I woke up thinking about this chapter and about how I can't even be sorry enough to make my sins right. My only hope is the finished work of Jesus. My only stand is taken in him. I'm thankful today that I'm forgiven because of his goodness and not because of mine. I'm thankful his grace has made me complete in him and allows me to lay in bed, look deeply into the sin of my heart, and rest as he performs his surgery of love.

Disney Poll Question

Joshua's bladder is kind of a punk. It picks the worst possible times to empty itself. Last week, as we were making our run to the front gate of the park, we decided to hop the Disney Train from Frontierland to Main Street. We pulled the kids out of the stroller and climbed the stairs with the stroller in my arms. We lugged it up the stairs while we waited for two trains to board and move on. We entered the final holding area and Joshua announced he had to pee. My options were to climb back down the stairs through the sea of hot Mouseketeers, let him have an accident, or have him pee in a water bottle. Much to Rebecca's shame, I chose option C. I quickly drank the last third of the water bottle and took Joshua to the corner of the station. I turned his back to the crowd and told him we weren't going to pull his pants down like normal. We were going to just pull down the waist part like daddy does. He peed in the bottle and we averted a disaster. That's my version. Rebecca's version consists of sitting next to the crowd watching and judging.

I would do it again if forced into the same situation, but the incident seemed like the proper time to introduce the new Abundant Redemption poll question. I hope you'll take the time to answer.

Give Me Grace

Give Me Grace by Andy Gullahorn

Last time I was here
I swore I would change
I said only a fool
Would make the same mistake
Being the fool I am
I'm back again
I've got no good excuse
I'm out of things to say
I'm starting to believe
It'll always be this way
My only hope inside is that you would hear my cry

Give me grace for when I can't stop falling
Give me strength to help me get back up
Give me faith without proof
Give me wisdom and truth
Give me you

I know I've got a choice
But I don't want to choose
Cause I've tried that before
And I know I stand to lose
I cannot control these failings on my own

Give me grace for when I can't stop falling
Five me strength to help me get back up
Give me faith without proof
Give me wisdom and truth
Give me you

Thank You, Thomas

Thomas McKenzie fixed my blog. Thanks, Thomas. This one's for you...

Paragraphs

I can't figure out how to make paragraphs on the new template. Computers aren't really a strong suit of mine. If you have any idea how to help me understand how to make paragraphs, please leave a comment or send me an email.

Thanks.