Conversations with the Boys

While Andrew and Joshua were playing on the Chik-fil-a playground they met some girls and evidently began playing make-believe. 

Rebecca overheard them telling the little girls, "You can be anybody you want to be, but we are NOT going to be your husband!" 

It reminded me of myself before I met Rebecca. 

After the Last Tear Falls

And in the end, the end is 
Oceans and oceans 
Of love and love again 
We'll see how the tears that have fallen 
Were caught in the palms 
Of the Giver of love and the Lover of all 
And we'll look back on these tears as old tales - Andrew Peterson & Andy Osenga




After the last tear falls 
After the last secret's told 
After the last bullet tears through flesh and bone 
After the last child starves 
And the last girl walks the boulevard 
After the last year that's just too hard 

There is love 
Love, love, love 
There is love 
Love, love, love 
There is love 

After the last disgrace 
After the last lie to save some face 
After the last brutal jab from a poison tongue 
After the last dirty politician 
After the last meal down at the mission 
After the last lonely night in prison 

There is love 
Love, love, love 
There is love 
Love, love, love 
There is love 

And in the end, the end is 
Oceans and oceans 
Of love and love again 
We'll see how the tears that have fallen 
Were caught in the palms 
Of the Giver of love and the Lover of all 
And we'll look back on these tears as old tales 

'Cause after the last plan fails 
After the last siren wails 
After the last young husband sails off to join the war 
After the last "this marriage is over" 
After the last young girl's innocence is stolen 
After the last years of silence that won't let a heart open 

There is love 
Love, love, love 
There is love 

And in the end, the end is 
Oceans and oceans 
Of love and love again 
We'll see how the tears that have fallen 
Were caught in the palms 
Of the Giver of love and the Lover of all 
And we'll look back on these tears as old tales 

'Cause after the last tear falls 
There is love

Sigh No More -

It would be foolish to try to capture everything I'm feeling tonight. I got a call around 4:00 today letting me know my dad had died. Waves of emotions hit and change faster than I can sit in any of them. The most frequent feeling is confidence in knowing my dad is resting tonight. Confidence in knowing he's loved. He had a hard time believing he was loved. That's over.

I'm grateful tonight to know his pain and suffering are done. He knows a peace that passes my understanding but will someday be my reality.

Today I taught a Sunday School lesson about a shepherd going after a lost sheep and a woman turning her house over to find a lost coin. Tonight in heaven there is a party. A lost sheep has come home and will never wander again. Angels are rejoicing.

I am sad he is gone. I'm glad he is whole and happy. He is living tonight in the beauty of being the man he was made to be.



Serve God love me and mend
This is not the end
Lived unbruised we are friends
And I'm sorry
I'm sorry

Sigh no more, no more
One foot in sea, one on shore
My heart was never pure
And you know me
And you know me

And man is a giddy thing
Oh man is a giddy thing
Oh man is a giddy thing
Oh man is a giddy thing

Love it will not betray you, dismay or enslave you,
It will set you free
Be more like the man you were made to be.
There is a design,
An alignment to cry,
Of my heart to see,
The beauty of love as it was made to be

Ten Years - Many Roads

This August marked Rebecca and my ninth wedding anniversary. This month also marks ten years of us knowing each other. Last night Joshua and I went to the CPA football game, and as I walked around the campus I got to point out the spot where we met and remember how it all started.

It actually began twelve years ago in the Fall of 1999 (if I'm right about an answered prayer). I was beginning my senior year of college. Honestly, all four years were pretty full of loneliness and depression, but my senior year was definitely the worst. I was on the tail end of escaping the trappings of a cult, but I was still caught in the nets. Socially and spiritually, I had never felt farther away from the group, but I was still entangled in ways I couldn't even understand at the time. I didn't know what I would be doing once I graduated. I was lost.

I was on my way to babysit for a family in Brentwood. I was the second choice for the job, but the first choice was unable to work that night, so they asked me. I only remember it was Fall because I remember watching a playoff baseball game after the kids had gone to bed. I also remember being exceptionally early to the house that night. Being early at that point of my life was pretty easy, mostly due to the loneliness. Anyway, I had about thirty minutes to kill, so I stopped in a parking lot of a school that I had heard of, but really knew nothing about - CPA. I stopped in the parking lot and prayed. I prayed about the loneliness and future. I prayed for hope and direction.

Not much seemed to change that senior year. I walked in May, but had to take a few classes the next summer to actually earn the degree. That summer was pretty empty of a lot of good memories. I remember a trip to LA and Spanish classes. I also remember a phone call from my friend Kori. She was asked to coach volleyball at CPA. She had a lot of playing experience, but not much coaching experience. I didn't know anything about volleyball, but had done some coaching. She asked me to be her assistant. I was going to be teaching part-time PE, so having quite a bit of free time, I accepted. Coaching volleyball turned into coaching basketball. Coaching basketball turned into coaching softball and a part-time job the next Fall teaching ... wait for it ... Life Wellness. They say God works in mysterious ways. I'm not exactly known for my wellness of life choices.

Anyway, the classroom I was given for the Life Wellness class was to be shared with a history teacher who had a friend she wanted me to meet. So, ten years ago this month (I think it was August 17th, but with the addition of Pax, I'm not quite convinced of anything I think I remember) I met a woman named Rebecca in a small classroom at CPA.

Last night, as Joshua and I were leaving the football game we walked by the room where I met his mommy and drove past the parking lot where I believe God led me to pray to show me the meticulous and grace-filled plan he had planned for my life.

It's been a full ten years. It has been full of grace and redemption. I'm thankful this morning to see God working in my life. I'm thankful he does it in ways that teach me more about his patience and his faithfulness.

As always, all of this reminds me of a song. Enjoy...

Anybody Else See It?

If the picture doesn't convince you, listen to this. Andrew woke up a little under the weather yesterday. He laid on the couch for over an hour and kind of just stared into space. I heard him gag. I told him to run to the bathroom. He didn't, but he did tell me he thought he might throw up. I told him to run to the bathroom - only with a little more authority in my voice. He didn't, but told me he was pretty sure he was going to throw up. I yelled, "Andrew, run to the bathroom." He didn't, but instead threw up on himself and the couch. I said, "Andrew, GO TO THE BATHROOM." He calmly replied, "But, I think I'm done."

Maybe he thought there was a tiger in the bathroom.