Abundant Redemption

Littered With Decorations

2011-12-21T07:50:00.001-08:00

My neighborhood is littered with holiday decorations. There’s something for each and every taste. Do you like penguins? How about two of them (father and son) riding on a sled? Look no further than my front yard. Leg lamps? The first house you see as you pull into our circle proudly displays his lamp each holiday season. There are also the usual suspects - Santa, Rudolph, and Frosty - all of whom have been living in my neighborhood since the weekend after Thanksgiving. I typically take a walk a few nights a week and December nights are definitely the brightest nights of the year. I like the lights and the air-filled decorations, but they don’t usually remind me of Jesus and his birth.

For some reason I moved my walk to the morning instead of the evening today. It was bright, but not because of the decorations. Our penguins were resting. Santa and Rudolph were reduced to a red and brown blob. The leg lamp was dimmed. But what I saw, two unintentional decorations, lying in our street, moved me to worship and a deeper appreciation of the love of God given to us in the gift of his Son.

The two decorations were lying about twenty feet from each other. Both probably thrown from a car window. Probably not from the same car window, but I guess it’s possible.

The first was a fully filled dirty diaper lying open in the gutter. It was disgusting. And the thought hit my mind. God wore diapers. He came, willingly came, and partook in behaviors and actions that are mundane, and routine, and simply gross. Yet it wasn’t the dirtiness of a diaper that we needed deliverance from. It was the darkness of our hearts. I’ve got to admit my reactions to my own son’s diapers is stronger at times than my hatred of my own sin. As humble as the Son of God is to have become a vulnerable baby, it pales in comparison to him becoming sin so that we could become the righteousness of God. And so, seeing a diaper lying in the road reminded me of Christmas.

The second decoration was a pregnancy test lying face down in the gutter. We’ve seen our share of those tests over the past few years. After taking one, we held onto it and looked at our results more than a few times. Never once did it occur to us to throw it out of a car window. I imagine, and could certainly be wrong, but I imagine someone who throws one out onto the street isn’t particularly wanting to be pregnant. And as I saw the test lying there, I was reminded of an unwanted pregnancy that led to the redemption of the world. It made me grateful for Mary and Joseph and for the rest of the cast of characters in the great Christmas story. Mostly it amazed me at the beautiful plan of God to have the Savior be born to the Virgin Mary. To be fully God and fully man and reconnect the glory of God with the brokenness of man.

There’s a lot of flair flaring around right now. Sledding penguins and all. Most of it leaves me wanting more. Yet, seeing two ordinary things lying in a gutter reminded me of the glory of Christmas - the promise that God has come and nothing will ever be ordinary again.

A Picture's Worth a Thousand Words

2011-12-16T12:21:00.000-08:00

If a picture is worth a thousand words, I'd like to know what the exchange rate is on a picture mixed with a concise quote.

I read this quote while preparing for my Christmas sermon. As soon as I did, my mind rushed to a picture my mom took of Andrew last night.

"When Jesus is asked who is the greatest in the kingdom of Heaven, he reaches into the crowd and pulls out a child with a cheek full of bubblegum and eyes full of whatever a child's eyes are full of and says unless you become like that, don't even bother to ask." Frederick Buechner

Advent with Andrew - Part Two

2011-11-29T17:03:00.000-08:00

So, Andrew's insistence on not participating in Advent has carried over to another day. Repeatedly, he has told us he isn't doing Advent this year. If you read part one in the Advent with Andrew series, you know he contemplated giving up playing with bubbles for Advent (something he does maybe once a year).

So tonight, as we were driving home, I brought up the idea to Andrew that he could give up something other than Xbox instead of not 'doing' Advent.

He emphatically replied, "I'm not giving up my bubbles!"

He has settled on not playing with his blue light saber. We'll see how that goes.

"I Don't Play Advent" - Advent with Andrew Part One

2011-11-28T12:40:00.000-08:00

We introduced the idea of fasting to Andrew and Joshua Saturday night. We told them what we were fasting from and talked about learning how to give up something we love for a short season in order to make room in our hearts for our King. Joshua replied quickly that he was going to give up Xbox. Andrew did as well, but it only took about thirty seconds for him to switch to a fast from playing with bubbles. I think that is brilliant and hilarious.

The brilliance is he picked something he really does enjoy - if only about once a year. And the hilarity is probably pretty self-explanatory.

We're on day two of the fast (Actually day one since we don't fast on Sundays. The day Christ rose from the grave is for celebration, not fasting), and Andrew has been pretty funny. Evidently, he's forgotten about the bubbles and is struggling through the thought of only playing Xbox three times in the next four weeks.

A few of his more memorable moments so far. It is pretty funny to note that we haven't brought up the fast even once. This is all going on inside his four-year-old head.

This morning - "Daddy, I don't play Advent. I play Xbox."

This afternoon -

Him - "Daddy, I really don't like the idea of Advent. I want to play Xbox."
Me - "Andrew, sometimes we don't get what we want. We have to say no to something we want. This will make you stronger and more able to be okay when you don't get something you want."

Him - "I don't like that."

Come quickly, Lord Jesus!

The People of Saturn - Conversations with the Boys

2011-11-23T12:57:00.000-08:00

It is becoming more obvious each day that Joshua is becoming our scientist while Andrew is full of poetic, yet unscientific, passion. While listening to them discuss the planets, I overheard this...

Joshua (with a touch of scientific condescension) - "Andrew, I'm talking about rings, but not Saturn's rings."

Andrew (full of misguided passion) - "You're wrong, Joshua. The people of Saturn DO have rings."

Maybe he'll be our songwriter.

I was just guessing at numbers and figures
Pulling the puzzles apart
Questions of science, science and progress
Do not speak as loud as my heart - Coldplay from The Scientist

Andrew's Mystery Religion

2011-10-20T07:50:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago Andrew informed us he was saving his blue M&M's until God comes back.

Today, while reaching for the Cheerios on the top shelf I heard Andrew ask why I was so tall. I answered,"Because I'm the tallest giant."

He replied,"No, daddy! Jesus is the tallest giant.

Just to be safe, we're denying his request for white Nikes.

Conversations with the Boys

2011-08-31T09:07:00.000-07:00

While Andrew and Joshua were playing on the Chik-fil-a playground they met some girls and evidently began playing make-believe.

Rebecca overheard them telling the little girls, "You can be anybody you want to be, but we are NOT going to be your husband!"

It reminded me of myself before I met Rebecca.

After the Last Tear Falls

2011-08-24T19:03:00.000-07:00

And in the end, the end is
Oceans and oceans
Of love and love again
We'll see how the tears that have fallen
Were caught in the palms
Of the Giver of love and the Lover of all
And we'll look back on these tears as old tales - Andrew Peterson & Andy Osenga

After the last tear falls
After the last secret's told
After the last bullet tears through flesh and bone
After the last child starves
And the last girl walks the boulevard
After the last year that's just too hard

There is love
Love, love, love
There is love
Love, love, love
There is love

After the last disgrace
After the last lie to save some face
After the last brutal jab from a poison tongue
After the last dirty politician
After the last meal down at the mission
After the last lonely night in prison

There is love
Love, love, love
There is love
Love, love, love
There is love

And in the end, the end is
Oceans and oceans
Of love and love again
We'll see how the tears that have fallen
Were caught in the palms
Of the Giver of love and the Lover of all
And we'll look back on these tears as old tales

'Cause after the last plan fails
After the last siren wails
After the last young husband sails off to join the war
After the last "this marriage is over"
After the last young girl's innocence is stolen
After the last years of silence that won't let a heart open

There is love
Love, love, love
There is love

And in the end, the end is
Oceans and oceans
Of love and love again
We'll see how the tears that have fallen
Were caught in the palms
Of the Giver of love and the Lover of all
And we'll look back on these tears as old tales

'Cause after the last tear falls
There is love

Sigh No More -

2011-08-21T20:36:00.000-07:00

It would be foolish to try to capture everything I'm feeling tonight. I got a call around 4:00 today letting me know my dad had died. Waves of emotions hit and change faster than I can sit in any of them. The most frequent feeling is confidence in knowing my dad is resting tonight. Confidence in knowing he's loved. He had a hard time believing he was loved. That's over.

I'm grateful tonight to know his pain and suffering are done. He knows a peace that passes my understanding but will someday be my reality.

Today I taught a Sunday School lesson about a shepherd going after a lost sheep and a woman turning her house over to find a lost coin. Tonight in heaven there is a party. A lost sheep has come home and will never wander again. Angels are rejoicing.

I am sad he is gone. I'm glad he is whole and happy. He is living tonight in the beauty of being the man he was made to be.

Serve God love me and mend
This is not the end
Lived unbruised we are friends
And I'm sorry
I'm sorry

Sigh no more, no more
One foot in sea, one on shore
My heart was never pure
And you know me
And you know me

And man is a giddy thing
Oh man is a giddy thing
Oh man is a giddy thing
Oh man is a giddy thing

Love it will not betray you, dismay or enslave you,
It will set you free
Be more like the man you were made to be.
There is a design,
An alignment to cry,
Of my heart to see,
The beauty of love as it was made to be

Ten Years - Many Roads

2011-08-20T06:40:00.000-07:00

This August marked Rebecca and my ninth wedding anniversary. This month also marks ten years of us knowing each other. Last night Joshua and I went to the CPA football game, and as I walked around the campus I got to point out the spot where we met and remember how it all started.

It actually began twelve years ago in the Fall of 1999 (if I'm right about an answered prayer). I was beginning my senior year of college. Honestly, all four years were pretty full of loneliness and depression, but my senior year was definitely the worst. I was on the tail end of escaping the trappings of a cult, but I was still caught in the nets. Socially and spiritually, I had never felt farther away from the group, but I was still entangled in ways I couldn't even understand at the time. I didn't know what I would be doing once I graduated. I was lost.

I was on my way to babysit for a family in Brentwood. I was the second choice for the job, but the first choice was unable to work that night, so they asked me. I only remember it was Fall because I remember watching a playoff baseball game after the kids had gone to bed. I also remember being exceptionally early to the house that night. Being early at that point of my life was pretty easy, mostly due to the loneliness. Anyway, I had about thirty minutes to kill, so I stopped in a parking lot of a school that I had heard of, but really knew nothing about - CPA. I stopped in the parking lot and prayed. I prayed about the loneliness and future. I prayed for hope and direction.

Not much seemed to change that senior year. I walked in May, but had to take a few classes the next summer to actually earn the degree. That summer was pretty empty of a lot of good memories. I remember a trip to LA and Spanish classes. I also remember a phone call from my friend Kori. She was asked to coach volleyball at CPA. She had a lot of playing experience, but not much coaching experience. I didn't know anything about volleyball, but had done some coaching. She asked me to be her assistant. I was going to be teaching part-time PE, so having quite a bit of free time, I accepted. Coaching volleyball turned into coaching basketball. Coaching basketball turned into coaching softball and a part-time job the next Fall teaching ... wait for it ... Life Wellness. They say God works in mysterious ways. I'm not exactly known for my wellness of life choices.

Anyway, the classroom I was given for the Life Wellness class was to be shared with a history teacher who had a friend she wanted me to meet. So, ten years ago this month (I think it was August 17th, but with the addition of Pax, I'm not quite convinced of anything I think I remember) I met a woman named Rebecca in a small classroom at CPA.

Last night, as Joshua and I were leaving the football game we walked by the room where I met his mommy and drove past the parking lot where I believe God led me to pray to show me the meticulous and grace-filled plan he had planned for my life.

It's been a full ten years. It has been full of grace and redemption. I'm thankful this morning to see God working in my life. I'm thankful he does it in ways that teach me more about his patience and his faithfulness.

As always, all of this reminds me of a song. Enjoy...

Anybody Else See It?

2011-08-02T19:25:00.000-07:00

If the picture doesn't convince you, listen to this. Andrew woke up a little under the weather yesterday. He laid on the couch for over an hour and kind of just stared into space. I heard him gag. I told him to run to the bathroom. He didn't, but he did tell me he thought he might throw up. I told him to run to the bathroom - only with a little more authority in my voice. He didn't, but told me he was pretty sure he was going to throw up. I yelled, "Andrew, run to the bathroom." He didn't, but instead threw up on himself and the couch. I said, "Andrew, GO TO THE BATHROOM." He calmly replied, "But, I think I'm done."

Maybe he thought there was a tiger in the bathroom.

A Glimpse Into My World

2011-07-29T13:53:00.000-07:00

This morning I had a dream. I was at a Spider Man themed amusement park. My family and I had just exited a Spider Man ride. While we were on our way to get Spider Man slushies from the Spider Man snack bar we passed a Spider Man character who was waving to the children.

Then I was startled as I felt a tap on my shoulder.

I turned to see who it was and this is who I found...

Socks and all!

An Unlikely Link - John Stott and Magic Johnson

2011-07-27T13:21:00.000-07:00

It seems I'm learning more and more of the world's news through Twitter. Sometimes it's good news. Sometimes it's bad. Today it was both.

About an hour ago I opened Twitter and read that John Stott had died. It brought back a feeling I don't remember feeling in twenty years. It was 1991, my eighth grade year, and as I got into the car after school I heard Magic Johnson telling the world he had AIDS. It rocked me. To me Magic wasn't just a celebrity or an athlete. He had become a part of me. It's kind of hard to write that, but it's true. I watched and emulated Magic Johnson so much that the way I played basketball was like him. I was a pass first - shoot second player who cared more about helping out a teammate than I did making shots. And it was all because my favorite player played that way. I wore my socks like him, played his video game (even though it couldn't compare to the Jordan vs Bird game), and tried to smile when I talked about basketball. Watching him and studying his game impacted me beyond just being a fan. Watching him face a terminal illness, even as a young teenager, rocked me.

John Stott impacted me in a similar way. I'm not sure what kind of basketball player he was, but his love for Jesus and devotion to the beauty and truth of the gospel have become part of me.

About eight years ago as I was leaving a cult my friend Stuart Latimer introduced me to Stott. I had been raised to believe dozens, if not hundreds of heresies. I was a new convert in desperate need of some good teaching. I was listening to five to ten sermons a week and being inspired and anchored in the good news of Jesus, but I still needed some foundational theology to repair all of the brokenness of the things I had previously believed. John Stott was the key. I remember lying in bed reading his commentaries on Romans, Galatians, Pauls letters to Timothy, and John's epistles. As I wrestled with my past in a heretical branch of Pentecostalism, Stott's commentary on Acts and his book Baptism and Fullness buoyed me in the waves of figuring out what I believed about the Holy Spirit. As I wrestled with the person and deity of Christ, Stott's The Incomparable Christ gently held my hand and glorified Jesus. I was a subscriber to his daily devotionals and cut my teeth on his messages daily. In the same way that studying Magic Johnson made me love unselfish basketball, John Stott's preaching and writing made me love Jesus-centered theology.

So today I'm saddened as I think of the church's loss. I'm saddened as I think about a person I admire and feel is part of me being taken from us. But, being convinced of the faith that Stott so humbly shared, today I am happy for him and share just a little of the joy he knows and is experiencing.

I'm grateful for the life of John Stott. I'm thankful for the impact he made on a young man he never met and I look forward to the day when we worship the King together.

Conversations with the Boys

2011-05-28T19:18:00.000-07:00

Andrew - "Dad, I'm going to obey so I can play Wii tomorrow."

Me - "Andrew, why don't you obey because of love and respect. Love and respect are more important."

Joshua, interrupting - "And justice."

Good Friday - Johnny Cash

2011-04-22T06:47:00.000-07:00

Roman Crucifixion Quotes

2011-04-21T09:56:00.000-07:00

"Fashion me with a palsied hand,
weak of foot and cripple.
Build upon me a crook-backed hump,
Shake my teeth until they rattle.
All is well if my life remains.
Save, oh, save it, I pray you,
Though I sit on the piercing cross." - Seneca

"How grievous a thing it is to be disgraced by a public court; how grievous to suffer a fine, how grievous to suffer banishment; and yet in the midst of any such disaster we retain some degree of liberty. Even if we are threatened with death, we may die free men. But the executioner, the veiling of the head and the very word 'cross' should be far removed not only from the person of a Roman citizen but from his thoughts, his eyes and his ears. For it is not only the actual occurrence of these things or the endurance of them, but liability to them, the expectation, indeed the very mention of them, that is unworthy of a Roman citizen and a free man." - Cicero

Holy Week at Church of the Redeemer

2011-04-12T13:26:00.001-07:00

The GAP and Worship

2011-04-08T19:55:00.000-07:00

... as a case of secular liturgy, what vision of the kingdom is implicit in the mall's liturgies? What story is embedded in its practices? What does it envision as the good life? What is the shape of the mall's worship? What kind of people does it want us to become? What does the mall want us to love?

First, let's keep in mind that the mall is sort of an intensification of a wider web of practices and rituals associated with consumer capitalism. In that respect, one might say that marketing is the mall's evangelism; television commercials, billboards, internet pop-ps, and magazine advertisements are the mall's outreach. The rituals and practices of the mall and the market are tactile and visceral - they capture our imaginations through the senses of sight and sound, touch and taste, even smell. The hip, happy people that populate television commercials are the moving icons of the consumer gospel, illustrations of what the good life looks like: carefree and independent, clean and sexy, perky and perfect. We see the embodiments of this ideal again and again in the icon-like mannequins in the windows of the mall. The mall, you might say, mimics that oft-repeated evangelical axiom that says, "We may be the only Bible that people ever read": that is, the mall communicates its story not through tracts and didactic lectures but through visual embodiments of the happy life, 3-D icons that we come to revere as ideals worthy of our imaginary more than our intellect - because they seep into our imagination - they are slowly and often surreptitiously absorbed into our kardia, into our very nerve center of how we orient ourselves to the world. In this sense, they function as very effective liturgies and pedagogies; they are making us into a certain kind of people without us even realizing it." - James K.A. Smith from Desiring the Kingdom

Growing in Lent

2011-03-08T08:53:00.000-08:00

A month ago I attended a conference in North Carolina for the AMIA. During one of the breakout sessions, I heard a man named David Taylor say this, "If the church doesn't tell people what time it is, the world will." He then went on to explain how the calendar is shaping (often subtly and subconsciously) how we think about certain themes. For example, Valentine's Day is shaping the way we think of and define love. The 4th of July is shaping our idea of country. Mother's Day is forming the way we view family. He listed eleven holidays and explained how each was influencing our culture. Taylor's solution, or counter-attack, to the problem was the idea of using the church calendar to help us better understand biblical themes in our lives.

Incorporating the church calendar into my life is a new idea for me. Last year was the first time I observed Lent. This past Advent was the first time I understood Advent and Lent had anything in common. Like so many things I didn't understand, I assumed it was superstitious and had little, if any benefit for me. I was wrong. Sadly wrong. It's amazing how quickly you can go from wanting to discredit something to looking forward to celebrating it.

Tomorrow is Ash Wednesday, the beginning of Lent. We will have ashes put on our foreheads as we are reminded of our finitude, our brokenness, and our desperation. Doing this will kick off forty days of sacrifice and commitment. I learned last year that fasting isn't the only way to observe Lent. It's also recommended to take something on.
Last year I fasted from red meat and read four Psalms a day. This year, I want to give up something that I actually think about everyday (beef is more of an every other day kind of thing). Each time I think about the thing I am giving up (still haven't decided what that is) I will remember my need for Christ and his sacrificial love for me. Each time I do whatever I decide to pick up (I think I'm going to try to memorize Colossians (1 chapter every 10 days), I'll remember Christ's commitment to his people. It is a powerful, and really rather simple way, for God to work his grace into my life daily.

Here's the best thing about Lent. It ends. Yes, it's a time of darkness and sacrifice. Yes, it's a time to remember we came from and will return to dust. Yes, it's a time to repent and fast. But, it is also a time of anticipation. It's a time to remember life will not always be as it is now. Lent ends with Easter, the day we celebrate the resurrection of Jesus.The broken things will mend. The dark things will disappear in the light. Death will end in resurrection life. It is a reminder that our suffering is only temporal and is actually making eternity more glorious.

If Lent is a foreign concept to you, I encourage you to look into it. God has used it to powerfully reshape my appreciation for his sacrifice and power. I'm looking forward the next forty days with hopeful expectation. I hope you'll join me.

The Father's Rest

2011-01-11T10:16:00.000-08:00

"Our understanding of Christianity cannot be better than our grasp of adoption... If you want to judge how well a person understands Christianity, find out how much he makes of the thought of being God's child, and having God as his Father. If this is not the thought that prompts and controls his worship and prayers and whole outlook on life, it means that he does not understand Christianity very well at all."- J.I. Packer

The Father's Rest - My sermon from 12/26 about the Heavenly Father's law, love, and rest.

Conversations With the Boys - Christmas Edition

2010-12-24T11:59:00.000-08:00

So, last year Rebecca and I talked about what we'd do concerning Santa Claus. Would we tell the boys the truth, or let them believe in Santa until somebody else told them? As a kid, I never believed. I don't remember much about it. I've been told that I just didn't buy it. It didn't make sense, so as a little boy I simply said I didn't believe. Every time one of my friends found out their parents blamed me. I never told anyone.

Rebecca and I decided to go ahead and tell the boys the whole Santa thing is a game. We said we were going to play it and the boys shouldn't tell anyone about the game because a lot of people really believed. With one exception during a four hour flight delay this July, our boys didn't ruin anyone else's game.

Our decision, at least my portion of the decision, wasn't based on worrying about the "mom and dad lied to us about Santa, maybe Jesus isn't real" conversation. Odds are they're going to catch us lying about something at some point. I wanted to tell them the truth about Santa because I hate moralism. The idea of a guy coming into our house once a year won't do much damage. The idea of being good just to get stuff is what I wanted to keep out of their heads.

We put a lot of thought into it, but as with much of parenting, in the end it didn't really matter.

They don't believe us. I'm not sure that's the best way to say it. It's not that they think we're lying as much as they think we're wrong. According to the boys, Santa is real and they'd "really like to meet him."

Ho! Ho! Ho!

Advent Hope

2010-12-16T10:44:00.000-08:00

Elkanah, Penninah, and Hannah could have had their own reality show. Penninah and Hannah were sister-wives before sister-wives were cool. Penninah had children. Hannah didn't. Elkanah loved Hannah more than he loved Penninah and wasn't afraid to show it ... publicly. At dinner, for example, Elkanah would give Hannah a double portion of food while Penninah watched with jealousy. In order to bring Hannah down a few pegs, Penninah would harass Hannah with the cultural reality that no matter how much Elkanah loved her, she was a nobody because she didn't have children of her own.

At one particular meal, during a trip to the tabernacle to worship, Hannah reached her breaking point. After having enough of Penninah's cruelty, Hannah dramatically stood up and left the table. She rushed to the tabernacle to pray, where the priest of the time, Eli, saw her weeping. The words she prayed were filled with bitter emotion and tearful cries. Eli did what any sensitive pastor would do and accused her of stumbling into worship in a drunken stupor.

Thankfully, the words Eli couldn't comprehend were heard and understood by God. Hannah's prayer was a break-through for her as she began to seek a child, not for herself, but for God's glory. Hannah promised God she would give her son to God, left in peace, returned to dinner, and ate her double portion.

After nursing her son Samuel (named for the God who hears), Hannah took him back to Eli where he would grow up and learn how to be a priest to God's people. In what had to be a bittersweet moment (saying goodbye to the son she had longed for), Hannah said this ...

“My heart rejoices in the LORD;
   in the LORD my hornis lifted high.
My mouth boasts over my enemies,
   for I delight in your deliverance.
² “There is no one holy like the LORD;
   there is no one besides you;
   there is no Rock like our God.
³ “Do not keep talking so proudly
   or let your mouth speak such arrogance,
for the LORD is a God who knows,
   and by him deeds are weighed.
⁴ “The bows of the warriors are broken,
   but those who stumbled are armed with strength.
⁵ Those who were full hire themselves out for food,
   but those who were hungry are hungry no more.
She who was barren has borne seven children,
   but she who has had many sons pines away.
⁶ “The LORD brings death and makes alive;
   he brings down to the grave and raises up.
⁷ The LORD sends poverty and wealth;
   he humbles and he exalts.
⁸ He raises the poor from the dust
   and lifts the needy from the ash heap;
he seats them with princes
   and has them inherit a throne of honor.
   “For the foundations of the earth are the LORD’s;
   on them he has set the world.
⁹ He will guard the feet of his faithful servants,
   but the wicked will be silenced in the place of darkness.
   “It is not by strength that one prevails;
¹⁰ those who oppose the LORD will be broken.
The Most High will thunder from heaven;
   the LORD will judge the ends of the earth.
   “He will give strength to his king
   and exalt the horn of his anointed.”

There weren't a lot of outward things for Hannah to be excited about. She was leaving her son with the priest who mistook real, heartfelt prayer for a drunken tantrum. She was saying goodbye to her son who she loved and would only see once a year. He was going to be a priest and a prophet, not exactly the least stressful jobs in the world. Yet, in the midst of situations that seemed dark, Hannah knew God's plan for salvation was continuing on the earth and she could see it in her son.

As inspiring as Hannah's story is, she points to another mother. And as great a prophet as Samuel was, he points to another Son.

After Mary, the engaged teenager, found out she was carrying the Son of God in her womb she hurried out of town to see her cousin Elizabeth. Like Hannah, Mary's circumstances didn't seem all that hopeful. She was an unwed, pregnant teenager whose story few believed. But she knew God was not only continuing His salvation story, but bringing it to its highest point in the baby in her womb.

She sang ...

"“My soul glorifies the Lord
⁴⁷ and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior,
⁴⁸ for he has been mindful
   of the humble state of his servant.
From now on all generations will call me blessed,
⁴⁹ for the Mighty One has done great things for me—
   holy is his name.
⁵⁰ His mercy extends to those who fear him,
   from generation to generation.
⁵¹ He has performed mighty deeds with his arm;
   he has scattered those who are proud in their inmost thoughts.
⁵² He has brought down rulers from their thrones
   but has lifted up the humble.
⁵³ He has filled the hungry with good things
   but has sent the rich away empty.
⁵⁴ He has helped his servant Israel,
   remembering to be merciful
⁵⁵ to Abraham and his descendants forever,
   just as he promised our ancestors.”

The Advent Season is a time where we can sing with Hannah and Mary. There is a just God who is bringing his perfect peace to earth. The humble will be lifted up. The empty will be filled. All is not right, but it is being made right in Jesus. There is hope today because God became a baby, grew up into a man, faithfully obeyed the Father, and gladly gives away his righteousness to those who ask for healing. Our circumstances may be bleak today, but the hope of God's salvation is strong.

Back Where I Began

2010-12-11T21:26:00.000-08:00

The past few days have been far from my best. I've been, to say the least, kind of down. And in the struggle, I've not wanted to spend much time with God. Prayer and time in the Bible have been the last things I've wanted to do.

The past couple months have been full of a lot of brokenness. We've been to four funerals and have had friends and family in the hospital with some serious illnesses. It has begun to take its toll on me emotionally. Last night, in the middle of this brokenness, I decided to watch the movie, The Road. It's a post-apocalyptic story about a father and son trying to survive humanity at its worst. Not exactly the feel good hit of the summer.

I've felt my heart pulling away from thinking while all of this has been going on. I'm struggling with knowing God is intimately involved in all of these details, yet at times seems so far away. I have felt the feelings David felt in Psalm 139 often. God knows all and sees all. I need a break.

I was walking out of Publix today and a guitar riff went through my head. No lyrics. Literally just eight notes that repeat quickly. I couldn't even remember the last time I had listened to the song. I didn't remember what it was called, but I grabbed my ipod and tried to figure it out. I knew it was a Caedmon's Call song and thought I remembered the line - 'where I began'. I played the song and couldn't hold back the emotions of God's gentle reminder. The lyric that stood out most tonight was 'Try as I may, I can't get away from you'.

I'm thankful tonight for God's powerful salvation. I'm thankful for a God who is not dependent on my faithfulness for his mercy to be poured into my life. I've been running and trying to get away from the glorious and awesome reality of who He is. I run. I resist. He pursues. He saves ... again and again.

This is the only clip I could find of the song. Not the greatest video, but worth hearing the song.

The King's Peace

2010-12-07T13:00:00.000-08:00

This is my sermon from the first Sunday of Advent. Enjoy, or whatever you're supposed to do with sermons, do that.

The King's Peace

The Brocolli Incident

2010-12-06T18:44:00.001-08:00

Looking Back

2010-12-01T19:32:00.000-08:00

Many, O LORD my God, are the wonders you have done. The things you planned for us no one can recount to you; were I to speak and tell of them, they would be too many to declare. Psalm 40:5

Today started oddly. Oddly might not be strong enough. It was actually a little creepy. Rebecca bought some new shampoo last night, and I used it for the first time this morning. The shampoo is supposed to smell like cherries. It doesn't. It smells like cherry flavored Vitamin C's.

They say smell is the strongest memory inducing sense. I think they're right. As I smelled the shampoo, I was immediately taken back to five year old me walking up to an skinny, bald old man after a worship service to get a cherry flavored Vitamin C. The old man kept Vitamin C's in a little plastic bag for the kids of the church to get after each service. We would wait in line like kids going to sit on Santa's lap. If I close my eyes I can see the man's skinny fingers pulling the sides of the bag apart and the powdery vitamins being pushed to the top. I remember him saying, 'Hello, my boy' or calling me lad. I remember him patting my head and smiling.

I can't think of these after-church meetings without also remembering approaching him for other reasons. There was the time I was invited by a friend to stand on the sideline of a Rose Bowl game and my parents made me ask the old man's permission to go. He said no. There was the time he heard I was going to California (I was 21) where I would be wearing shorts and attending a baseball game and he asked me not to do either because he didn't and he was following Jesus. I remember my parents telling me the old man liked to see how his kids were doing in school and taking my report card up to him to show him my grades. To say the least, the old man was a big part of my life.

All this from a new bottle of shampoo.

I finished a book I've wanted to read for a long time last week. It's John Krakauer's, Under the Banner of Heaven. It's about fundamentalist Mormonism. The book is loaded with quotes about cult leaders and gurus. The memories that rushed back to me from my childhood to my early twenties were intense. The day I finished the book I had a thought that won't leave my mind. I've only been out of a cult for seven years. The amount of grace and growth that God has put into those seven years is amazing. I'm grateful to so many who have patiently walked with me through my journey to the freedom of Christ. It's been a week full of looking back and seeing God's faithful provision every step of the way.

I've also spent quite a bit of time thinking about how thankful I am to be working at Church of the Redeemer. It was a year ago this week that I took my name out of the mix of the job I thought I would probably end up taking. It felt as though God was moving us away from that particular place. After removing our name, we began attending Redeemer knowing if we were in Nashville we would be at Redeemer. We immediately fell more in love with every aspect of the church - including the style of worship.

January 1, 2009 was the first time I had really contemplated working at an Anglican church. I had visited Redeemer a few times, and loved the people and the way the gospel was preached and lived, but I had a lot of reservations about whether or not I could be a convincing Anglican. I had a hard time picturing myself preaching in a robe or carrying candles into a worship service. Not only have I gotten past those reservations, but I have grown to love the liturgy and gospel centered acts of worship that go along with being Anglican. I even bought my first robe today. Pretty convincing!

So many of the details of my life are so unlikely. I'm grateful to have been delivered from the bondage of a false-gospel. I'm thankful God has called me to preach the good news of his salvation. I love the unlikelihood of it all because it brings more glory to him. As usual, it reminds me of a song.

Lead of Love by Caedmon's Call

Looking back at the road so far
The journey's left its share of scars
Mostly from leaving the narrow and straight

Looking back it is clear to me
That a man is more than the sum of his deeds
And how You've made good of this mess I've made
Is a profound mystery

Looking back You know You had to bring me through
All that I was so afraid of
Though I questioned the sky, now I see why
Had to walk the rocks to see the mountain view
Looking back I see the lead of love

Looking back I can finally see (I'd rather have wisdom)
How failures bring humility (than be)
Brings me to my knees (a comfortable fool)
Helps me see my need for Thee

Conversations with Andrew

2010-11-30T09:13:00.000-08:00

Someone recently told me this blog has turned into a 'daddy blog.' Oh, well.

Here's the latest installment.

Lying in bed, listening to a story about Abraham believing God's promises for a son even though he was one hundred years old, Andrew looked at me with the sweetest, most faith-filled face and said with conviction, "Daddy, Princess Leia trusted God's promises."

Conversations with the Boys

2010-11-27T19:44:00.000-08:00

A couple nights ago Joshua was crying in his bed. I'm still not sure if he was talking in his sleep or having a bad dream. Maybe it was both. Anyway, I went into his room around 2 AM and laid down in his bed. We talked for a few minutes and then I fell asleep.

A few minutes later I woke up to Joshua shouting, "Stop it."

I asked, "Are you okay? Are you having a bad dream?"

He answered, "No, dad. You're snoring."

And here's one for Andrew. Some of you may know I have a horrible gag reflex. I've got friends who deliberately say gross things to me because they know it will make me gag and possibly even throw-up. It can happen with no notice and it's quite a miserable quality. All that to say, I spontaneously gagged and threw-up on a recent trip to the bathroom with Andrew. As I began vomiting, Andrew kept reassuring me, "Dad, there's poo poo coming out of your mouth, but you're being brave." He then went into the dining room where our family was having Thanksgiving dinner and told everyone I had poo poo in my mouth. Later that night he was sitting on the bathroom floor making gagging noises and telling Joshua he was me.

There's never a dull moment with these two, and Pax seems to be trying to more and more like them every day. I'm in trouble.

Heaven Will Not Be Boring

2010-11-19T11:52:00.000-08:00

I spent several minutes trying to decide what to name this post. I'm still not sure I went with the best option. I was struck by many things about this video. Mostly, it reminded me of God's grace and truth breaking into our chaotic lives to bring us his peace. A great beginning to the Advent season. Enjoy...

He's My Son and Conversations with Andrew

2010-10-30T18:17:00.000-07:00

I was watching the Predators game with Joshua and Andrew tonight. I told them it was nine years ago tonight that I had taken their mommy out for the first time. I told them we went to eat and then to a Predators game. I told them we talked and I knew I loved her and asked her to marry me a few months later.

Joshua replied, "Yeah, but the Predators are losing."

Conversations with Andrew

A few nights ago we had company and the boys were doing everything they could to avoid sleeping. I heard Andrew crying and yelled to the top of the stairs, "What's wrong?"

Andrew - "Joshua won't let me talk."

Me - "You're not supposed to be talking."

Andrew, in his Will Ferrel rage voice - "BUT I HAVE A PRAYER REQUEST!!!"

And one more quick one ...

Rebecca - "Andrew, what do you want for Christmas?"

Andrew - Someday I want a kid."

Conversations With Joshua

2010-10-28T14:37:00.000-07:00

Joshua was lying in bed having some growing pains in his legs last night. I went in to lay with him for a few minutes and asked...

"Joshua, do you know how much I love you?"

Joshua -"How much?"

Me - "So much."

He asked, "Daddy, do you know how much I love you?"

Me - "How much?"

Joshua - "41."

Don't Be Afraid

2010-10-27T13:08:00.000-07:00

I got to preach again this past Sunday. The passage was Luke 18:9-14 (The Prayer of the Pharisee and the Tax Collector). It's about hiding in Christ instead of our own righteousness.

It's called, 'Don't Be Afraid, I ...'

Pax is Six (months)

2010-10-26T08:41:00.000-07:00

Pax is six months old today. The months have flown. He's scooting around the room and tried to eat solid food last night. He is aptly named. He is tender and peaceful and almost always content. He doesn't like shots or afternoon naps. Other than that, things are rolling along smoothly. I'm thankful to be his daddy. Happy 1/2 Birthday, Paxapotamus.

Joshua at six months


Andrew at six months

I Am New by Jason Gray

2010-10-25T13:52:00.000-07:00

This video was shot (in part) at Church of the Redeemer (where I have worked for the last three months) and was directed by my friend Grant Howard.

"I Am New" music video for Jason Gray from Grant Howard on Vimeo.

Providence

2010-10-21T15:51:00.000-07:00

I get to preach again this weekend, so I've been working quite a bit on my sermon. Yesterday, I spent about three hours working through the notes and trying to carve out the message. About thirty minutes before I was planning on heading home the worship pastor came into my office and asked me to print something off to see if the printer was working. She was having trouble getting the printer to work.

I was picking books up off the floor because I had just broken my six feet tall book case in half while trying to move it with the books still inside. Jenna and I were both a little flustered.

I printed the sermon notes and got back to the books.

Last night I asked Rebecca if I could talk to her about my sermon. I pulled out my computer and found out I hadn't saved the notes I had worked on for three hours properly. I lost all of it. I started to say some things. Rebecca started to pray. She prayed, "Father, let them reappear." As she said it, I remembered Jenna coming into my office. The notes were printed off and on my desk.

I'm thankful for God's providence. I'm thankful he knew I'd need those notes and put a copy on my desk. I'm thankful he uses moments of frustration to show me how large and intricate his care is for his children.

C.S. Lewis on True Friendship

2010-10-20T10:09:00.000-07:00

“Friends are side by side absorbed in some common interest. That is why those pathetic people who simply want friends can never make them. The very condition for having friendship is that you want something else besides the friend. If someone says, “Do you see the same truth as me,” and the honest answer is, “I don’t care about that. I just want you to be my friend,” no friendship can arise. There can be nothing for the friendship to be about. Those who are going nowhere can have no fellow travelers.” - C.S. Lewis

The Reckoning (How Long) by Andrew Peterson

2010-10-08T07:19:00.001-07:00

Affliction - Spurgeon

2010-10-07T13:35:00.000-07:00

Our heavenly Father sends us frequent troubles to try our faith. If our faith be worth anything, it will stand the test. Gilt is afraid of fire, but gold is not: the paste gem dreads to be touched by the diamond, but the true jewel fears no test. It is a poor faith which can only trust God when friends are true, the body full of health, and the business profitable; but that is true faith which holds by the Lord's faithfulness when friends are gone, when the body is sick, when spirits are depressed, and the light of our Father's countenance is hidden. A faith which can say, in the direst trouble, "Though He slay me, yet will I trust in Him," is heaven-born faith. The Lord afflicts His servants to glorify Himself, for He is greatly glorified in the graces of His people, which are His own handiwork. When "tribulation worketh patience; and patience, experience; and experience, hope," the Lord is honoured by these growing virtues. We should never know the music of the harp if the strings were left untouched; nor enjoy the juice of the grape if it were not trodden in the winepress; nor discover the sweet perfume of cinnamon if it were not pressed and beaten; nor feel the warmth of fire if the coals were not utterly consumed. The wisdom and power of the great Workman are discovered by the trials through which His vessels of mercy are permitted to pass. Present afflictions tend also to heighten future joy. There must be shades in the picture to bring out the beauty of the lights. Could we be so supremely blessed in heaven, if we had not known the curse of sin and the sorrow of earth? Will not peace be sweeter after conflict, and rest more welcome after toil? Will not the recollection of past sufferings enhance the bliss of the glorified? There are many other comfortable answers to the question with which we opened our brief meditation, let us muse upon it all day long. - Charles Spurgeon, Morning and Evening

Mercy and Justice Meet

2010-09-29T08:59:00.000-07:00

In Psalm 101 David boldly sings of mercy and justice. Flowing from the songs of mercy and justice are praises to God. David's Psalm is a cry of intention for his kingdom. He longed to see mercy and justice rule and reign. David promised to turn Israel to God through blameless sincerity. He promised to root out evil and punish the wicked. The longings of his heart were good, true, and insufficient for the task at hand.

What David saw and longed for from afar, God has graciously revealed to us in his Son. Mercy and justice have met in Jesus. In the life of Christ we see mercy's beauty. We see the sick healed, the poor raised up, the hungry fed, the oppressed liberated, the dead resurrected, and the broken healed by the the compassionate Savior. We see sins forgiven mercifully.

But true righteousness calls for more than mercy. The world is broken and full of people like you and me who are guilty of not loving God or others well. For a kingdom to be established with righteousness, justice is required.The guilty must be punished. Sin requires atonement. And in the death of Jesus we see justice satisfied. The Father was pleased to punish the Son for the disobedience of his wandering people.

Psalm 101 concludes with these words, "I will soon destroy all the wicked in the land, that I may root out all evildoers from the city of the LORD."

Evil has been eradicated from the eternal City of God because our evil was placed on the One who knew no evil. We are no longer orphans, but share in the merciful sonship of Christ, who is not ashamed to call us brothers and sisters. Let us humbly and boldly sing mercy and justice. Let us praise the only wise God who concocted the glorious plan of the gospel. He is King who saves and we are his people.

Praying with Bart and Tracy

2010-09-24T12:29:00.000-07:00

One of the most memorable prayers I've heard comes from Bart Simpson. Homer had convinced the family to switch from electric to wind power. Bart and Lisa were watching tv and the wind stopped blowing. Bart went outside, climbed to the top of the family windmill, and prayed, "God, you've got the wind I need. I've got the prayers you crave. Let's make a deal."

That same week I witnessed another memorable prayer on 30 Rock. Tracy Jordan was wearing an electric dog shock collar, but had to leave his yard because he needed something out of his car. As Tracy got to the edge of his property line his shock collar started to electrocute him and he prayed, "God, if you deliver me from this, I promise that every Sunday I'll go to ..." The shock stopped and Tracy finished his prayer, "... to Pizza Hut. Every Sunday I'll go to Pizza Hut."

Bart and Tracy made the same mistake we all do. They assumed something about God that isn't true. Their inappropriate prayers (worship) flowed from their false views of God.

Their prayers presupposed that God is needy and desperate and is looking to make a deal. It's like he's the guy in the fantasy league who didn't draft a QB until the sixth round and is looking to deal Marion Barber for Tom Brady. The truth is that God is anything but desperate. He doesn't need us, or anything. He is the complete opposite of desperate in his generosity and love. His lack of need is the most beautiful aspect of his total and complete love for humanity. He just loves us. When we try to make deals with him, we're insulting his generosity. We're underestimating the joy he finds in loving and giving.

I believe one of our most damaging presuppositions is a belief that there are greater sources of joy than God. G.K. Chesterton described the joyfulness of God by describing God's view of the world at all times. We take vacations to see dolphins splashing in the ocean. We buy pets to experience the joy of playing fetch or petting a dog (not speaking from experience, but I've heard people like this). God sees all the dolphins all the time. He sees every wagged tail in the universe. He created it and enjoys it and perfect joy emanates from him now and will for all eternity. To be in his presence is fullness of joy. To know him, to worship him, to be invited into communion with him is the greatest of all experiences.

I see in the church today a pattern that things have to be made fun so people will want to go to church. Behind that action is a presupposition that God is not the author of joy. There is a fundamental foundation of thought that says simply worshiping the Creator needs to be manipulated so people can enjoy themselves. We are guilty of the same sin as Bart Simpson and Tracy Jordan. We have created and are worshiping an idol. We have believed something false about God and we have begun to serve the small god we have created. This small god does need all the help he can get because he is not worthy of worship.

But the true God of the Bible is not small and needs no assistance. He is the mighty maker of heaven and earth. He is ultimate goodness and everything we love and admire comes directly from him. He spoke the world into existence. He thought of and created everything we enjoy and he has seen it enjoyed in its purest form. He is so powerful mountains shake when his glory touches them, yet so meek and gentle he describes himself as an embracing father and a loving husband. His character is like a lion. His character is like a lamb.

And we call him boring. We presume we need to make him more exciting and trick ourselves into having a good time while spending time with him.

My heart is heavy with repentance when I think about all of the lies I believe about God. I have tried to make deals with him. I have tried to make him into something more like myself. My prayer today is for a new direction of steering for our Christian culture. I pray that God forgives us for the false things we believe about him and that he shows us heights and depths of his glory that leave us in awe of the tremendous invitation to worship and know him as our Lord and Savior.

Hungering and Thirsting for Righteousness ... Some Humbling Quotes

2010-09-23T13:46:00.000-07:00

Matthew 5:6 ... Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.

“I do not know of a better test that anyone can apply to himself or herself in this whole matter of the Christian profession than a verse like this. If this verse is to you one of the most blessed statements of the whole of scripture, you can be quite certain you are a Christian; if it is not, then you had better examine the foundations again.” Dr. Martin Lloyd-Jones

“It is not that he wants to be a little bit better, still less he thinks of righteousness as an optional luxury to add to his other graces; rather, he hungers and thirsts for it. He cannot get along without righteousness; it is as important to him as food and drink.” D.A. Carson

“A hunger and thirst for righteousness that can never be curbed or stopped or sated, one that looks for nothing and cares for nothing except the accomplishments and maintenance of the right, despising everything that hinders this end. If you cannot make this world completely pious, then do what you can.”

"If I profess with the loudest voice and clearest exposition every portion of the truth of God except precisely that little point which the world and the devil are at that moment attacking, I am not confessing Christ, however boldly I may be professing Christ.

Where the battle rages, there the loyalty of the soldier is proved, and to be steady on all the battlefield besides is mere flight and disgrace if he flinches at that point." - Martin Luther

“They are not full of their own righteousness, but long for more and more of that which comes from above. They pine to be right themselves with both God and man, and they long to see righteousness have the upper hand all the world over. Such is their longing for goodness, that it would seem as if both the appetites of “hunger and thirst” were concentrated in their one passion for righteousness. Where God works such an insatiable desire, we may be quite sure that he will satisfy it; yea, fill it to the brim. in contemplating the righteousness of God, the righteousness of Christ, and the victory of righteousness in the latter days, we are more than filled. In the world to come the satisfaction of the “man of desires” will be complete. Nothing here below can fill an immortal soul; and since it is written, “They will be filled,” we look forward with joyful confidence to a heaven of holiness with which we shall be satisfied.” C.H. Spurgeon

We Need Grace

2010-09-15T19:23:00.001-07:00

My First Sermon

2010-09-13T11:03:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was an amazing day for me. I was honored to preach for the first time at Church of the Redeemer. Preaching in the corporate worship service was one of the sweetest and most weighty moments I've ever experienced. I'm grateful to work at Redeemer and to be involved in the lives of the people there.

The theme of the service was God's shepherding heart. The worship ended with the hymn Great is Thy Faithfulness. When I consider the unlikeliness of God choosing me to share the good news of the gospel with people, I am immediately humbled and more deeply convinced of his glory. I am grateful for his faithfulness and love.

Thank you to everyone who prayed for me and my family this week. I'm thankful for your prayers and your friendship. Here is a link to the sermon.

God's Repentance

Many Roads...

2010-09-09T10:40:00.000-07:00

This summer I was blessed by a person (who wished not to be named) with a couple plane tickets to Los Angeles. I got to take Joshua to Southern California and spend some time with dear friends and visit memorable places. Another blessing was a newer friend who was also from California, but oddly enough, I had met in Tennessee.

This friend works at Disneyland and offered to let Joshua and me into the park for free. He also offered a third pass, so I was able to take my friend Greg along to the park. One of the highlights of the trip was actually a conversation I wasn’t even part of. I listened as Greg and Eric began to talk and get to know each other. Eric began explaining to Greg how he and I had become friends.

About the same time I was leaving the cult I had moved to Tennessee with, Eric and his family were moving here to join the group. Eric had an opportunity to move here and pursue playing in a band with a member of the cult. The guy who had invited him and offered the musical opportunities in Nashville had invited him to worship and get to know other people in the Christian Gospel Temple community. As Eric and Ann (his wife) grew to know the people and enjoy the tight community, they decided to move to Tennessee. Throughout the decision making process, Eric and Ann were never told about the beliefs of the group that differ from Christianity. They moved their whole family (losing quite a bit financially in the process) because they weren’t told the truth about the group they had been introduced to. They only lived in Tennessee for about a year and ended up moving back to California. As they left, they experienced the rejection and abandonment of the members of the group who turn on those who leave.

Eric was explaining all of this to Greg and then he began talking about my mom and their friendship. He explained that after they had moved to California, they discovered there were others who had left the cult and had a tight community of friends who could share the hurts and disappointments of lost friendships. Eric, Ann, and my mom became very close. They visited last summer and I got to meet them and share stories and experiences. Eric told Greg that the community he had gained because of his experience with those who had left Christian Gospel Temple had become his family. God used a gut-wrenching, horribly trying experience to give Eric a community of friends that had become as close as his own relatives.

About a week after I returned from California, one of my favorite song-writers, Andrew Peterson, released an album called Counting Stars. I haven’t been able to listen to the whole album because every time I begin to listen I just listen to the first song over and over. I can’t make it through this song without thinking of Eric and Ann.

I can’t get over the simple truth that although it often seems like our lives are in the hands of people who aren’t looking out for what is best for us, it never really is. Our lives are always in the hands of the one whose hands will be forever scarred by nails.

The last month, for me, has been somewhat of a mountaintop experience. It hasn’t been a mountaintop in the sense of an overwhelming high, but instead the feeling of looking back over the last three years and seeing some of the things God was doing in my life. I’m realizing (literally daily) that I’m exactly where God wants me. I’m realizing the sleepless nights and painful days of believing my life was in the hands of people not seeking good for me weren’t wasted. I’m realizing my life was in God’s hands the whole time.

Yesterday, Rebecca and I were talking a little about some of these things and I said it was hard for me to understand some of the pain we had to go through. Some of it seemed wasted. She graciously listened instead of correcting me. She left that to Joshua.

This morning, as I was getting ready for work, Joshua mentioned another California amusement park.

“Dad, remember when we went to Legoland?”

“Yes.”

“And remember that dragon ride that I didn’t want to ride, but you made me.”

“Yeah.”

“Thanks for making me do that. It was fun.”

And with that, he ran out of the room.

I’m thankful for gentle reminders that God loves me enough to change me. None of my pain is wasted. None of the hurt is ignored. I’m thankful to be able to look back at the many roads that have led to today. The roads of pain and rejection. The roads of abandonment and loss. The roads of friends and family. I’m thankful they’ve all had a purpose and that everyday of my life has been held tightly in the hands of the Beloved Savior who bled and died for his weak people.

Poverty of Spirit

2010-08-26T13:51:00.000-07:00

"Blessed are the poor in spirit,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

I'm doing a little reading on the first Beatitude. I thought I'd share a few quotes.

C.S. Lewis said he enjoyed the sermon on the mount as much as he enjoyed being hit in with a sledgehammer. No doubt these quotes make plain that emotion.

"The question in heaven's kingdom is not, "Are you a peer?" but , "Are you poor in spirit?" Those who are of no account in their own eyes are of the blood royal of the universe. These alone have the principles and qualifications for the heavenly kingdom." C.H. Spurgeon

“Pride based on genuine virtues has the greatest potential for self-deception.” D.A. Carson

"If one feels anything in the presence of God save an utter poverty of spirit, it ultimately means that you have never faced Him." Dr. Martin Lloyd Jones

Rock of Ages - Augustus Toplady

Rock of Ages, cleft for me,
let me hide myself in thee;
let the water and the blood,
from thy wounded side which flowed,
be of sin the double cure;
save from wrath and make me pure.

Not the labors of my hands
can fulfill thy law's commands;
could my zeal no respite know,
could my tears forever flow,
all for sin could not atone;
thou must save, and thou alone.

Nothing in my hand I bring,
simply to the cross I cling;
naked, come to thee for dress;
helpless, look to thee for grace;
foul, I to the fountain fly;
wash me, Savior, or I die.

While I draw this fleeting breath,
when mine eyes shall close in death,
when I soar to worlds unknown,
see thee on thy judgment throne,
Rock of Ages, cleft for me,
let me hide myself in thee.

Relentless

2010-08-12T19:32:00.000-07:00

Then the LORD relented and did not bring on his people the disaster he had threatened. Exodus 32:14

The verse above comes from the story of the children of Israel making a golden calf from the earrings they had been given by the Egyptians after they escaped Egypt. Moses had been away for several weeks and the people became impatient. They told Aaron, Moses' brother and co-leader, they didn't think Moses was coming back, so they needed a new God. Instead of calling a summit of leaders or suggesting they wait a little longer, Aaron asked the people for their gold and molded a golden calf. After the calf was made, the people threw a party and shouted thanks to their new god, even giving it credit for rescuing them from Egypt.

There were times before the party when the Israelites had complained to and cursed the real deliverer. Time and time again they had wanted to turn around and go back to the slavemasters, but not this time. Dancing around the metallic statue, they found thankfulness and praised the idol for their deliverance.

Moses heard the shouts from the mountain and heard God's voice from heaven. God told him to go down and see what the people were doing. God told Moses to leave the people alone so he could destroy them and start over with Moses. Moses prayed for the forgiveness of the people. Then the Bible says, "God relented."

Instead of wiping out the nation and beginning again with Moses, God had Moses melt the golden calf and the people drank the liquid golden god.

Over a thousand years later God came to this world in a body. The one in whose image we were made became an image bearer himself. Jesus showed the world what life was intended to be. The only person to never worship any type of idol (no golden calves, no idols of pretense, no compromising of any kind) was treated like an idolater. After honoring and glorifying the Father with every breath he ever drew, the beloved Son experienced the relentless punishment of a holy God. The relenting that was given to the rebellious Israelites was poured out on Jesus. They drank some melted gold. Jesus begged the night before his death to be spared drinking the cup of God's wrath that was waiting for him the next day.

I'm thankful tonight for God's relentless grace. I'm thankful for a Savior who willingly drank the cup of God's righteous anger so I would never have to. I'm thankful for the good news that tells me God's grace will never relent because his judgment was relentlessly poured out on the Son. I'm thankful for the gospel.

Dancing In The Minefields by Andrew Peterson (Produced by Grant Howard)

2010-08-11T14:06:00.001-07:00

Henry Twells

2010-08-04T19:07:00.000-07:00

And none o Christ have perfect rest,
for none are wholly free from sin;
and they who wish to serve you best,
are conscious most of wrong within.

O Savior Christ, you too as we;
You have been troubled, tempted, tried;
Your kind but searching glance can see
The very wounds that shame would hide.
Henry Twells

Better than a Dream

2010-08-03T13:38:00.000-07:00

Earlier this year two events took place that you need to be aware of for this post to make sense. Nashville and it's surrounding areas experienced a tragic and devastating hundred year flood. Secondly, the greatest television series ever, LOST, ended it's six year run. Now to the post...

Three nights ago I was walking alongside a road. Behind me there were three or four men who were laughing hysterically. I didn't know exactly why, but I was laughing as well. We had played a practical joke on somebody. I wasn't sure who, but for some reason I couldn't stop laughing. The joke was played on a group inside a building and the victims began walking out one at a time. The first was Kate Austen. She seemed to appreciate the joke and looked at me with a grin. The second person to leave the building seemed to have been upset by the joke and walked by me with disgust. I never saw the third woman, but I know her father was appalled, because he grabbed one of the men and slammed him into a fence before climbing into his black limo and speeding off. The man thrown into the fence was Desmond Hume and the driver of the limo was Hugo Reyes. But I don't think it was the real Hugo Reyes, because he was wearing a black suit. As I turned to my left I saw the real Hugo Reyes running into a field. I think he was the real Hurley because he was wearing shorts and a t-shirt.

Then I was invited into another black car with Christian Shepherd. Over the car-phone speaker, I heard a voice say we needed to drive to the Midwest (pretty vague) to pick up Jack. Christian turned on the radio and a Spanish station was playing. He looked at me and sarcastically whispered, "Por Favor."

Then I heard, "Danny. Danny." And I woke up.

"Yeah?"

"It's raining. Do you think you should move your car off the drain and into the driveway?"

It was the sweet voice of my best friend and wife of 8 years today.

All this to say, I don't know of a dream I'd rather have than being a LOST cast member. I was thoroughly enjoying my dream. I laid in bed for an hour wondering how I could get back to the island or LAX or wherever Christian and I were driving that day. But in the end, I had a simple thought that has stayed with me all week. There's no dream I wouldn't want Rebecca to wake me up from. Being her husband and friend, raising a family with her, and simply living life together each day is better than any dream in the world.

Happy Anniversary, Sweetheart. I'm so thankful you're mine.

Psalm 27

2010-07-22T06:17:00.001-07:00

Psalm 27

Of David.

¹ The LORD is my light and my salvation—
       whom shall I fear?
       The LORD is the stronghold of my life—
       of whom shall I be afraid? ² When evil men advance against me
       to devour my flesh,
       when my enemies and my foes attack me,
       they will stumble and fall.
³ Though an army besiege me,
       my heart will not fear;
       though war break out against me,
       even then will I be confident.
⁴ One thing I ask of the LORD,
       this is what I seek:
       that I may dwell in the house of the LORD
       all the days of my life,
       to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD
       and to seek him in his temple.
⁵ For in the day of trouble
       he will keep me safe in his dwelling;
       he will hide me in the shelter of his tabernacle
       and set me high upon a rock.
⁶ Then my head will be exalted
       above the enemies who surround me;
       at his tabernacle will I sacrifice with shouts of joy;
       I will sing and make music to the LORD.
⁷ Hear my voice when I call, O LORD;
       be merciful to me and answer me.
⁸ My heart says of you, "Seek his face!"
       Your face, LORD, I will seek.
⁹ Do not hide your face from me,
       do not turn your servant away in anger;
       you have been my helper.
       Do not reject me or forsake me,
       O God my Savior.
¹⁰ Though my father and mother forsake me,
       the LORD will receive me.
¹¹ Teach me your way, O LORD;
       lead me in a straight path
       because of my oppressors.
¹² Do not turn me over to the desire of my foes,
       for false witnesses rise up against me,
       breathing out violence.
¹³ I am still confident of this:
       I will see the goodness of the LORD
       in the land of the living.
¹⁴ Wait for the LORD;
       be strong and take heart
       and wait for the LORD.

Jim Elliot and Dr. King

2010-06-25T12:46:00.000-07:00

I'm getting ready for a sermon tonight for middle-schoolers. I'm reading quotes by Martin Luther King and Jim Elliot and thought they were too good not to share.

"Hatred paralyzes life; love releases it. Hatred confuses life; love harmonizes it. Hatred darkens life; love illuminates it."

"I submit that an individual who breaks a law that conscience tells him is unjust, and who willingly accepts the penalty of imprisonment in order to arouse the conscience of the community over its injustice, is in reality expressing the highest respect for the law."

"I believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word in reality. That is why right, temporarily defeated, is stronger than evil triumphant."

"Let no man pull you low enough to hate him."

"When you are right you cannot be too radical; when you are wrong, you cannot be too conservative."

Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

“Father, make of me a crisis man. Bring those I contact to decision. Let me not be a milepost on a single road; make me a fork, that men must turn one way or another on facing Christ in me.”

“He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose”

“Those whimpering Stateside young people will wake up on the Day of Judgment condemned to worse fates than these demon-fearing Indians, because, having a Bible, they were bored with it - while these never heard of such a thing as writing.”

Jim Elliot

Live Blogging Game Seven

2010-06-17T17:40:00.000-07:00

I've never done this, but it sounds like fun. Hopefully somebody will read it. If not, it'll still be fun.

The second the pregame music started, so did my nerves. I love this feeling.

In 1985 my parents took me out of school for a week to visit Washington D.C. My teacher, sweet Miss Headley, excused my absences, but made me keep a journal. We bumped into the '85 Celtics at LAX. My parents suggested I go get their autographs. I refused. I hated the Celtics. I was seven. My parents suggestion turned into a command as I walked up to people I couldn't stand. Mr. Parrish, would you sign my notebook. Mr. Johnson, would you sign my book. Mr. McHale (this was the most painful), can I have your autograph. Thankfully, I never saw Larry Bird. I'm thankful for two reasons. One, I don't know what I would have said to him. Two, I threw the autographs away when I got home. I didn't want that nasty group of autographs ruining my first grade notebook.

So, here I am again, twenty-five years later, feeling the same feelings I felt in the airport that day. I'm looking forward to it. I hope you'll join me.

Go Lakers!

7:42 - I'm not superstitious, but I dreamed about Magic Johnson last night. If I were superstitious I'd think that was a good sign. Also, if I were superstitious, I'd think it was a good thing I'm not wearing the shirt I was wearing for games four and five.

7:54 - I once sat next to Pia Zadora in the nosebleeds after she sang the anthem at a Laker game.

8:02- I have a reader. I haven't been this excited since my meeting with Pia.

For you younger readers ...

8:07 - For hating the Celtics, I really love their players and coach. Prejudice is willing ignorance, right? These are people I really like, but I hate them because of the color of their jersey. Probably not really a live blog conversation.

8:09 - Uh oh. Not the Ron Artest I was hoping for tonight. FISH!!!

8:10 - Hitting the boards. Good. Missing 19 layups in two possessions. Not good. They look tight.

8:14 - Not the Kobe I wanted either. The Celtics look loose.

8:29 - Uh, Kobe. It may be time to take this one over.

8:31- Jordan, how many blocks did you have this year? TAKE THE CHARGE!!!

8:32 - First Quarter over. Not good. The Lakers look like they looked in each loss. Slow. Indecisive. Stuck. The Celtics look like champions. Loose. Composed. On the floor for loose balls.

8:37 - Two good possessions in a row. There's the Lamar I like to see.

Spoke too soon.

8:40 - I've heard people say Ron Artest is the kind of guy you only love if he is on your team. Not so much. I do want to give him a hug and spend a few days trying to break through, but as far as basketball goes. I'm not feeling it.

8:42 - Thanks to ABC for holding the first vampire ad until after my kids are in bed.

8:45 - I've never wanted a guy I like as much as Doc Rivers to lose so badly.

8:46 - Ron, I love that.

8:48 - Pau looks scared.

8:54 - This is disgusting.

Did they practice yesterday?

9:01 - I've never wanted a guy I like as little as Kobe to win so badly.

6-12 FT's? Boston - 8-8.

When teams think it's going to be easy, they lose. Everytime the Lakers catch up, they look like they think they've won. They let down and the Celtics go on a run. They're lucky to be down six. Surely Kobe has one good half in him tonight.

My Live Blog Halftime Show ...

I hope Kobe isn't having the same conversation in his mind that Wilbon and Magic are having during this show.

Hardee's commercials make me not want to eat there.

So, I thought this would be fun. It's not. I think the rest of the game will be spent by myself. Sorry to both people who are reading.

Click here for some real live blogging.

I'm back. I'm lonely.

The Celtics transition defense after that steal tells the story so far.

Kobe for 3!!! Pau for 2!! Lamar not helping on defense! Laker basketball.

Sorry, Lamar.

Keep the pedal down.

If the Lakers win, it will be talent, not heart. I wouldn't like this team if they weren't wearing that jersey.

Likewise, I would love the Celtics players if it weren't for that jersey.

How about a pick and roll, Lakers?

After three quarters ...

In game five I thought over and over that the Lakers were going to lose because they never put the Celtics away. I kind of have that feeling right now. The Celtics may have passed up their chance to put them away. The Lakers have actually won the last two quarters. Their ball coming out in the fourth. Plenty of basketball left. Time for the Lakers to show whether or not they've got the heart to win it. Let's hope so.

PAU!!!

Are you kidding me?

Lamar Odom just helped on defense!

No more Jordan comparisons from me.

Once again. A run and a let down. Come on, Lakers. Sustain it.

Next run wins it.

Ron Artest, make me a liar, buddy.

Soccer players think Pau Gasol is dramatic.

FISH!!!

13-23 FT's.

Defense!!!

From Bill Simmons' Twitter ... "Kobe finally hits a jumper: 68-64. Timeout Boston. Big release from crowd on that one. Celts offense just fell apart... one shot per possession and never a good one. I want to commit a homicide."

Make your free throws!!!

Thankfully the Celtics missed layups like the Lakers missed free throws.

Make me look stupid, Ron!!!

Uh, oh.

Whoever loses this game with live with it for a long time. Painful mistakes by both teams.

SASHA!!! One more from Bill Simmons, "I want to live in a world where Sasha Vujacic bricks 2 clinching FT's and becomes the biggest goat of this decade."

Champions!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Gasol has to be the MVP. Right?

I'm sorry, Ron Artest. He just thanked his psychiatrist. Nobody more lovable in the celebration. "And the single's coming out." Ron, please keep talking.

David Stern just corrected the Laker crowd. That was odd.

I wonder if the Buss grandkids will be allowed to speak again this year.

Nope. Magic and Grandpa Jerry. Buss looks like the Penguin and Joker (60's Batman) put into one character.

Kobe? Not sure about that, but it's hard to argue.

Please interview Ron again ...

Well, I guess I'm done. Thanks for spending the evening with me. The kids went to bed during the first quarter. Rebecca during the second. Sports are officially boring until August.

Joshua's First Love Letter

2010-06-07T16:03:00.000-07:00

Joshua asked to write a letter to his friends Ella and Sophie. Quite a little letter writer ...

Ella and Sophie,

Dear Joshua to Ella and Sophie,

I just love being with you. It's so fun when we play games together like Toy Story and Wii Resorts. I like it when we build stuff. It's just fun to be together.

And now I like it when we just play games like that and when I send emails to you, Ella and Sophie. I like it when we do things together, or play Ironman, or do whatever I want to do. I like it when we're together, dear Ella and Sophie.

From,
Joshua

He's like a drunk Mr. Darby.

Conversations with the Boys

2010-06-02T12:21:00.000-07:00

Andrew's favorite song is 'Bad Day' by the Chipmunks. It came on today and this conversation ensued.

Andrew - "Daddy, this song is the Chick-munks."

Joshua - "Yep. Alfred and the Chick-munks."

Conversations with Other People's Kids

2010-05-26T09:33:00.000-07:00

I asked the fifth grade history class to write me a short note telling me their favorite and least favorite parts of the year.

One fifth grade boy wrote, "What I disliked was the Great Depression. Also the Holocaust."

Let Go - Get Grace

2010-05-25T11:48:00.000-07:00

So, LOST is over and some of you have actually asked me to write about what I think. I don't think I've ever had anyone ask me to write about anything. I'm excited about the request, but kind of scared of letting you down.

It's time to let go...

And in a nutshell, that's the lesson, or at least my takeaway, from LOST. Letting go is when we experience grace.

(A white rabbit trail ... I've heard a lot of people on both sides of the debate saying LOST was either too Christian or not Christian enough. My hope for any fiction, is that it contains truth. I've spent ten years in Christian education trying to convince kids they don't need to draw a cross for their art to be considered Christian. For the most part, at least in my opinion, when an author sets out to explicitly tell the gospel in a fictional format, the art is pretty bad. But, when an artist has the gospel deeply written on their souls, and they begin writing, the art that is created is full of grace and truth.

Also, because God has made every human in his image, each of us, Christian or non-Christian is capable of knowing and teaching truth. One of my favorite quotes comes from a friend named Kevin Twit. I'm paraphrasing, but you can click this link (I think it's number seven) to hear the sermon it came from. Kevin said, "Marilyn Manson glorifies God when he uses the gifts God gave him to curse God." Humans bear God's image and because of that are capable of doing amazing things.)

If I had to sum up Christianity in a word, I would choose grace. It's the story of someone else paying the price for people who don't deserve it. It's an offer of redemption to those who will humble themselves to the point of receiving it. Being broken is the way to being healed. The proud run from this at all costs. The humble admit brokenness and receive the miraculous power of grace. LOST was full of people being broken. Some experienced the power of grace quickly. Some finally broke in the last episode. Some think they still need to fight.

The power of the gospel, as well as LOST, is until we let go and allow grace in, our best efforts only complicate things. One of the most offensive elements of the gospel (before conversion) is the idea that our best isn't good enough. In Isaiah, God calls our righteousness filthy rags. The harder we fight against that truth, the more damage we do. The power of grace (the power of the cross) is when we admit our best isn't good enough, we're free to live in the realization God loves us. He doesn't need us.

The LOST finale ultimately reminds me of C.S. Lewis, The Great Divorce. In it, Lewis writes about the divorce of heaven and hell. Those who experience heaven (the fullness of living in the Love that has no need) become solid and real. Those who experience hell (living in the demand that we deserve to be needed) become ghosts and incapable of experiencing reality. I'm reminded of Jacob's words to Ben Linus right before Ben stabs him.

Ben - "What about me?"

Jacob - "What about you?

Jesus says those who lose their lives ultimately gain them. We become our truly human selves when we quit asking, "What about me."

I absolutely loved the first 140 minutes of the LOST finale. The final ten are growing on me. I think as time passes, they will be some of my favorite moments of the entire series. I've never enjoyed a tv show this much. I actually had a moment about a month ago where I thought about how sad it would be to die before May 23rd because I wouldn't know how LOST ended.

Two quick complaints. Shannon and Sayid? Seriously. Weakest awakening moment by far. Nadia needed to be worked in somehow. I buy him waking up in an encounter with Sun and Jin before Shannon, but whatever. Also, to have awakening moments for everyone but the greatest couple in the history of television, Desmond and Penny, was pretty weak. Other than that, no complaints.

There may be more later. For now, this is all I've got. Thanks to those of you who actually care what I think about a tv show. Until then, I leave you with my favorite LOST memory...

Newspaper Debut

2010-05-23T13:24:00.000-07:00

My pastor, Thomas McKenzie was interviewed for an article about LOST in today's Tennessean. He was gracious enough to pass along my name to the reporter. I spent about half an hour on the phone with Dave Paulson talking about the show and some of the parallels I see with Christianity. I haven't been that nervous on the phone since I was dating Rebecca. Here's a link to the article. I hope you enjoy it.

A Little Flannery O'Connor for LOST Fans

2010-05-21T08:39:00.000-07:00

I've spent a little (little as in when Andrew tells me he only wants a little bit of candy) time watching old episodes of LOST I think might be important as we lead up to the finale. Recently, I watched the Season 5 finale, The Incident. It's the episode where all the candidates are touched by Jacob. In the scene where Jacob touches Locke, after he is pushed from a window by his father, Jacob is reading Flannery O'Connor's selection of short stories, Everything that Rises Must Converge. Because of my addiction to the show, I read that particular short story last night and came across this passage which I believe sums up almost all of the characters on LOST.

"The further irony of all this was that in spite of her, he had turned out so well. In spite of going to only a third-rate college, he had, on his own initiative, come out with a first-rate education; in spite of growing up dominated by a small mind, he had ended up with a large one; in spite of all her foolish views, he was free of prejudice and unafraid to face facts. Most miraculous of all, instead of being blinded by love for her as she was for him, he had cut himself emotionally free of her and could see her with complete objectivity. He was not dominated by his mother."

I can't wait until Sunday.

Mountains on the Ocean Floor

2010-05-15T15:23:00.000-07:00

Mountains on the Ocean Floor by Andrew Peterson

My uncle’s in the county jail
His time is on his hands
He knows he chose a barren cell
Over a fair and fertile land

He took another hit
He hit another high
He flew until he fell
Just like he has a thousand times

Nothing ever seems to change
But miles away beneath the waves

There are mountains
Mountains on the ocean floor
They’re rising from the deep
But no one ever sees
No one ever sees

I can’t believe I landed there
I swear I swore it off
I know that I can’t stand it here
Still I came and took a fall

I wish that I could shake it
I wish that I was free
I wish that I was half the man
I wish that I could be

There are mountains
Mountains on the ocean floor
They’re moving up so slow
No one ever knows
No one ever knows

Nothing ever seems to change
But miles away beneath the waves
Down below the dirt
Hotter than a flame
In the belly of the earth
He has given you a Name

There are mountains
Mountains on the ocean floor
They’re rising from the deep
Where no one ever sees
There are mountains
They’re hidden there beneath the waves
They’re moving up so slow
No one ever knows
There’s a molten heart of stone
That is waiting to explode
Only God can see it grow

I saw a friend that I hadn't seen since 2002 this week. He's a friend that walked me through a lot of the hardest times of my life. Walking him through the last eight years of life (marriage, leaving a cult, having kids, career, and everything else) reminded me of this song. It's so hard to see growth when you're looking at the trees instead of the forest. It was such a blessing to take a bird's eye view and see God's faithfulness over the past few years.

Funny and Sad Because It's True

2010-05-14T17:09:00.001-07:00

"Sunday's Coming" Movie Trailer from North Point Media on Vimeo.

Thanks to Thomas McKenzie for the heads up on the video.

Lost Video and A Couple Pax Pictures

2010-05-13T18:29:00.000-07:00

Lo The Storms of Life Are Breaking

2010-05-09T18:54:00.000-07:00

Lo The Storms Of Life Are Breaking by Henry Alford

Lo the storms of life are breaking,
Faithless fears our hearts are shaking
For our succor undertaking,
Lord and Savior, help us!

Lo! The world from Thee rebelling,
Round Thy Church in pride is swelling
With Thy word their madness quelling,
Lord and Savior, help us!

By Thy birth, Thy cross, and passion
By Thy tears of deep compassion
By Thy mighty intercession
Lord and Savior, help us!

On Thine own command relying,
We our onward task are plying
Unto Thee for safety sighing,
Lord and Savior, help us!

By Thy birth, Thy cross, and passion
By Thy tears of deep compassion
By Thy mighty intercession
Lord and Savior, help us!

Lord and Savior, help us. Lord and Savior, help us.

Pretty Gross but Fun

2010-05-07T16:25:00.000-07:00

Cousin Jackson made his first visit to our house today. When they left, my mom told Andrew she'd be back next week. Andrew looked at my Aunt Cheryl and Jackson and said, "But you're going to stay at your home, right?"

Refuge for the Weary

2010-05-04T19:47:00.001-07:00

Dear refuge of my weary soul,
On Thee, when sorrows rise
On Thee, when waves of trouble roll,
My fainting hope relies
To Thee I tell each rising grief,
For Thou alone canst heal
Thy Word can bring a sweet relief,
For every pain I feel - Anne Steele

Conversations with Andrew

2010-05-03T17:45:00.000-07:00

Joshua was pouting at the kitchen table because we corrected him for climbing on grandma's couch. We had tried everything, so I thought I'd go after his god-complex.

Me - "Joshua, if you were perfect, who would you be?"

Andrew (from the other room) - "Batman!"

And then, as Rebecca began feeding Pax again, Andrew asked, "Is Pax going to drink mommy up?"

And one more quick note from the day. The destruction surrounding and affecting our friends, neighbors, and families is overwhelming. The Middle Tennessee floods are coming on the heels of a week that I know was already gut-wrenching for a lot of my close friends. I woke up this morning and had This is My Father's World stuck in my head. The lines of truth that have been my strength today are -

"This is my Father's world
Oh, let me ne'er forget
That though the wrong seems oft so strong
He is the ruler yet" - Maltbie Babcock

Andrew, Pax won't drink up mommy, but the peace of God is going to swallow up the stormy seas of this broken world.

Conversations with Joshua

2010-05-01T17:53:00.000-07:00

Joshua and I ran to the store to stock up for the week. I ran to the car with him on my shoulders and five or six bags in my arms. We managed to keep fairly dry as he climbed through the backdoor of the van and sat in his carseat. Sometimes he buckles his own carseat. Sometimes he doesn't. Today, he didn't. So I asked an obvious question.

"Joshua, why can you buckle sometimes and sometimes you can't?"

"Dad, sometimes the world changes."

The More That You Lose of Yourself the More You Find ...

2010-04-28T14:04:00.000-07:00

It is one of the most amazing things I've ever felt.

We got to spend several hours with Joshua and Andrew today. As I held them and talked to them about Pax and being big brothers, I realized I loved them even more. Adding another baby to the family has filled us with more love.

As Joshua was leaving, he looked at me and said, "Dad, it was good for me to see you today." Andrew held Pax for the first time and sang Happy Birthday to him. There's a line in a Caedmon's Call song that says, "Love keeps growing more love." As I sit in the room with Rebecca, the boys, and our friends and family, I'm realizing it's true.

The line in the subject of the post comes from Sandra McCracken's song, Storehouse. The ultimate love story is the story of God making a world to share himself with. We ran away and he came to win us back by laying down his life. He gave himself away to find his missing sheep. And Love has been growing love ever since.

Hospital Stories

2010-04-27T14:50:00.000-07:00

Well, we're a day into this. Things are going well. Pax is beautiful and healthy. Rebecca is feeling a little more pain than yesterday, but overall doing well and enjoying being this new little guy's mommy. I made it in the hospital bed until 4:30. Knowing I was heading to Joshua's school to see him tell his class about his new little brother gave me a reason to head home and catch three hours of sleep before school. Sleep is good. Sleep after having a baby is gold.

It's been pretty funny around here.

I was feeling guilty about calling Pax by Andrew's name until I heard Rebecca call him Dash (our cat).

We asked Andrew if he had anything to say to Pax. He whispered, "You're going to be Superman."

I went to the nursery and asked the nurse to give me Pax. She walked away and wandered around the nursery for about ten seconds before returning. She said, "What do you need?" I said, "Pax, our baby." She laughed and said she thought I needed some pads. Probably not the last funny story about his name.

Thanks again for all the prayers, phone calls, texts, Facebook messages, and other efforts of love. I've been overwhelmed by God's presence and grace over the past two days. We're thankful for so much, especially the love he has shown us in our friends and family.

Pax Gregory Bryant

2010-04-26T12:41:00.000-07:00

I thought I was full, but it was halfway to the top
Love is an ocean trying to fill this tiny cup
Under the bright sun and stars
We crash into the sand
All that I knew I am having to learn again

And it's taken me over
Taken me over
And the heart I thought was full, was halfway - Sandra McCracken

2 . 3 . 4. 5 .

2010-04-25T14:50:00.000-07:00

Knowing this weekend is our last as a family of four made us want to make the weekend special. We got ice cream after dinner last night and donuts before church this morning. On the way to church from the Donut Den, Joshua told us he had already eaten two donut holes and was full. Meanwhile, Andrew had a blueberry donut hole in his right hand and a chocolate donut hole in his left. He doesn't stop when he's full. For the first year and a half of his life, he'd eat until he threw-up. Joshua's ribs have been clearly seen his entire life. It goes without saying, but these boys are pretty different.

Joshua is mostly like Rebecca. He wants to help. He wants to obey. He loves being around people and doesn't mind being in charge.

Andrew is mostly like me. He'd rather not be in charge of everyone, but he needs everybody to know he's in charge of himself. He'd like to obey, but sometimes he can't. He'll tell you ... in those words. He's fine around people, but loves to just be by himself.

And tomorrow number three shows up. Who knows what he'll be? We're excited about meeting him. We're excited about holding him and taking care of him. His name is Pax, which means peace in Latin. Our prayers for both our boys have been answered. For Joshua, we prayed that he would love justice. In our first parent/teacher conference, his teacher looked at us and said, "Well, Joshua certainly loves justice." For Andrew, we prayed for compassion and empathy. He feels everything at a highly intense level, but there is a special and unique tenderness when he is concerned for someone else.

Our prayer for Pax is that he becomes a peacemaker. His middle name isn't official, but it's either going to mean protector or vigilant. I pray that he's a vigilant warrior for peace.

If you think of it tomorrow, please pray for our family, especially Rebecca and Pax. I'll make sure to have some pictures up as soon as I can.

Children

2010-04-23T06:47:00.000-07:00

Children by Jill Phillips

I know you better than anyone
I know that look in your eyes
The one where they say you are just like me
And that comes as little surprise
Cause you’re taking in everything I do
While I second-guess all I thought I knew

Oh, I love you so much
So how great is His love
That we should be called
We should be called
We should be called His children

I want to keep you from crying
I want to save you from pain
I’d lay down my life for your life to go on
But couldn’t let you do the same
So what kind of love would give selflessly
And take such joy in giving you to me

Oh, I love you so much
So how great is His love
That we should be called
We should be called
We should be called His children

I know I’m not enough for you
And you know this at your young age
Even though my love will fail you
The love that He has will not change

Oh, I love you so much
So how great is His love
That we should be called
We should be called
We should be called His children

Forgiveness

2010-04-21T07:18:00.001-07:00

“Forgiveness flounders because I exclude the enemy from the community of humans and myself from the community of sinners.” Miroslav Volf

Thankful

2010-04-20T08:28:00.000-07:00

I thank my God every time I remember you. - Philippians 1:3

There are verses in the Bible that are easy to skip. Some of the 'skip' verses in my life have been Paul's greetings. He almost always opens by granting grace and peace to those he's writing to. He usually moves onto telling them he's thankful for them. As I get older (still probably too young to know much), I'm finding a lot of my life becoming simpler. My friendships are becoming a lot like Paul's greetings. I don't have a lot to say, but I want to convey grace and peace to everyone I meet. I'm finding myself thinking about friends and my mind immediately remembering these scriptures about being thankful for people in my life.

God's plan for redeeming his world is so simple. Definitely not easy, but improbably simple. I'm thankful for friends today. I'm thankful for those who have been instruments of God's grace and peace to me. Such a simple conviction full of simple wonder.

Earl Woods Rant

2010-04-15T06:47:00.000-07:00

Folks, I'm tired of hearing, "Tiger wasn't raised like this."

I don't know anything about Tiger Woods' life a a child other than what I've seen in the press. But what I've seen is a kid who was raised to do one thing. Win golf tournaments. If winning golf tournaments is the ultimate accomplishment on the earth, then Earl Woods is the greatest father of all time. Since I don't believe winning golf tournaments is the pinnacle of human existence, I'm not sold on Earl's parenting.

I have wanted to like Tiger Woods since I've known about him. For some reason, I've never been able to do it. I think I was sent on my anti-Tiger course when his dad said he would do more than any man in history to change the course of humanity. Would that be off the tee or with his short game? He also compared Tiger to Jesus, Ghandi, and Mohammed.

Tiger said the word I thought he had to say in his press conference. He said he felt entitled. He said he felt like he deserved the extra-marital affairs because of who he was. That didn't happen in spite of being told he was a messiah. It happened because he began to believe he was a messiah. He believed what his dad said about him.

I feel a lot of compassion for Tiger. He was raised and placed in a position that no human can handle. He didn't ask to be groomed. He didn't ask to be compared to Jesus. His dad intentionally taught him to think those things. And those poor lessons shaped the way he saw the world, which in turn, lead to his humiliating fall.

It's a loud lesson to those of us who are living in an era when good parenting is equaled with telling our kids that believing in themselves will allow them to accomplish anything. It is no coincidence that the last line of Tiger's apology was a hope that we can all believe in him again. I hope he can learn to embrace the freedom of not being as important as Jesus. There is only one who can hold up under the pressure of the world believing in him.

Hilarious New Link

2010-04-13T12:42:00.000-07:00

Stuff White People Like

Namaste, Brutha

2010-04-06T18:07:00.001-07:00

Justice Will Roll Down

2010-04-06T07:20:00.000-07:00

Sandra McCracken's new cd can be downloaded today. The official release is a few weeks away, but you can download it now at her website. I'm halfway through my first listen. The first line to jump out and grab my heart was from the song, Justice Will Roll Down.

Mercy is the fragrance of the broken.

I highly encourage you to buy this album. A quick side note. Rebecca and I bought Sandra McCracken's first hymn cd the month Joshua was born. One of my fondest memories of baby Joshua is rocking him to sleep and listening to that record. I'm excited to buy this one the month Pax (the name leader in the clubhouse) will be born. I'm looking forward to rocking him to sleep and listening to songs like this...

Prayer

2010-04-05T10:45:00.000-07:00

"Prayer reenters history with incalculable effects. Our earth is shaken by it daily."

"Prayer is the coming into awareness, the practicing of attention, the nurturing and development of personal intensity before God."

- Eugene Peterson

The Suffering Servant

2010-04-01T11:54:00.001-07:00

The King of Love One Day Will Crush Them All...

2010-03-31T07:08:00.001-07:00

Every stone that makes you stumble
and cuts you when you fall
Every serpent here that strikes your heel
to curse you when you crawl
The King of love one day will crush them all - Ben Shive from Rise Up

Redemption Flowing Through My Veins

2010-03-30T06:29:00.000-07:00

I want to feel redemption flowing through my veins
I want to see with clear eyes, beyond lust and hate
I want the war to be over and know the good guys won
I want love to hold me and know I'm not alone.

-Andy Osenga from Hold the Light

Hosanna - Crucify Him - O Sacred Head

2010-03-28T15:11:00.000-07:00

Rebecca and I started attending Redeemer on a weekly basis at the beginning of this year. The richness of the liturgy has captured our hearts in worship. The Palm Sunday liturgy was amazing.

We started outside and processed into the building after listening to a reading of Jesus' triumphal entry into Jerusalem. Together, as a church, we cried out, "Hosanna" as we walked inside. We cried together for Jesus, our King, to save us. We waved palm leaves and cried out like the people who did the same thing as Jesus rode into the city on a donkey. Like them, we have agendas for the King.

After walking inside we continued our Hosannas. This time singing instead of speaking.

As the service progressed we were lead in a reading of Luke 23. We followed and listened as Jesus was brought before the people by Pilate, only to have them cry out for the true murderer and insurrectionist (Barabbas) to be released instead of the true King of the world. Any hope of sitting in judgment against their cries for the ultimate injustice was crushed as the congregation participated in the reading twice. Once to yell, "Away with this man. Release to us Barabbas!" And again to yell, "Crucify him! Crucify him."

We listened to the story as Jesus carried his cross, was nailed to the tree, and hung for hours between two actual criminals.

The sermon was a beautiful description of the grace of God stomping the head of injustice by satisfying his holy wrath in his Son on the cross. We confessed our sins, experienced and passed the peace of Christ to our friends, and entered into communion.

At the end of the service, we sang,

"What language shall I borrow
To thank Thee, dearest Friend,
For this Thy dying sorrow, Thy pity without end?
Oh, make me Thine forever! And should I fainting be,
Lord, let me never, outlive my love for Thee"

Beginning with a cry of Hosanna. Lord. King. Save us. To acknowledge the betrayal and selfish agendas we all bring to that cry for salvation. To boldly claim we are forgiven and redeemed in the Son. To boldly approach His table and eat with His people. To rise in peace, enjoying fellowship with those who are also declared just knowing all the while that verdict was solely based in grace. To sing in worship after contemplating all of these things and confess our hearts are fainting and loving all the time. This is the glory of the gospel. We are sinners and saints. We yell for our King. We yell at our King. Our King has rescued us once and for all and he continues to rescue us every single day.

The King is beautiful. He sacred head was wounded so his people can live in the glorious sunshine of the Father's love.

Conversations with Joshua

2010-03-27T07:36:00.000-07:00

We were all lying in bed this morning when we asked Joshua what was preschool teacher's favorite thing to say.

Joshua - "I don't know. Maybe silence."

Conversations with Andrew

2010-03-25T18:22:00.000-07:00

We went to the doctor for an ultrasound today. Everything is going well. We picked April 22nd for the delivery, but later found out the hospital doesn't have a time that lines up with our doctor, so we're waiting to see the new day.

There was a guy in the office who was selling something. Not an official salesman, but one of those guys who just makes you feel like they're up to something. He walked over to us while we were waiting and brought his 20 month old son. He made a lot of jokes with Andrew and showed us how his son knew where his nose and mouth were. It was fascinating. Anyway, the guy tried to find out what we did for a living twice.

The first time he asked Andrew, "So, little guy. What do your mommy and daddy do for work?" Andrew answered, "Give me spankings." We got him ice cream for saving us from a multi-level marketing spiel.

The second time I pretended to be in a trance until the nurse called us back to the office.

Thoughts?

2010-03-16T12:31:00.000-07:00

"All your dissatisfactions with the Church seem to me to come from an incomplete understanding of sin. What you seem to demand is the Church put the kingdom of heaven on earth right now and here - that the Holy Ghost be translated at once into all flesh. The Holy Spirit rarely shows Himself on the surface of anything. To have the Church be what you want it to be would require the continuous miraculous meddling of God in human affairs, whereas it is to retain our dignity that God has chose to operate in another manner. We can't reject that without rejecting life. Christianity makes a difference, but it cannot kill the age." - Flannery O'Connor

William Gadsby

2010-03-15T09:48:00.001-07:00

The soul that on Jesus relies,
He’ll never, no never deceive;
He freely and faithfully gives
More blessings than we can conceive;
Yea, down to old age He will keep,
Nor will He forsake us at last;
He knows and is known by His sheep;
They’re His, and He will hold them fast. - William Gadsby

The Power of the Gospel

2010-03-13T18:44:00.001-08:00

“The gospel is not just a body of doctrinal content. It’s a power—it is the power of God unto salvation to all who believe. It’s not just about God’s power—it is God’s power.” -Tim Keller

Thoughts?

2010-03-12T07:41:00.000-08:00

Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor is it experienced by the children of men as a whole. Avoiding the danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure--or nothing! --Helen Keller

Conversations with the Boys

2010-03-11T13:32:00.000-08:00

Joshua is sitting on the toilet. I walked by and sang, "Poopy, Poopy, Doo," to the tune of Scooby Dooby Doo. Joshua responded, "No. I'm Joshua. Remember, I'm your son."

Andrew was sitting in the backseat of the van today talking to himself, "No my toes don't want to go in the shoes. My toes want to go out."

And, we got to hear little heartbeat number three at the doctor's office. The new little guy looks healthy and maybe, if the 3D ultrasound is accurate, a little bit like Andrew.

The Falling and the Getting Up Again

2010-03-10T12:30:00.001-08:00

"There is no life with no regret
Only the falling and the getting up again." - Andy Osenga from What I Know Now

If You Don't Watch Lost, Feel Free to Skip This

2010-03-10T07:02:00.001-08:00

Psalm 81:10

2010-03-09T06:47:00.001-08:00

I am the LORD your God,
who brought you up out of Egypt.
Open wide your mouth and I will fill it.

Just Do Something...

2010-03-08T06:55:00.001-08:00

Trying to decide if it's God's will for you to marry somebody. Click this link to find out...

Landed

2010-03-07T14:24:00.000-08:00

This has been a pretty monumental week in our lives. A week ago today I was offered an assistant pastor/youth pastor job at Church of the Redeemer. We took the job and can't wait to begin in August.

I'd been looking for a job for a little over a year. Last year I thought I was moving out of elementary education into high school education, but the deal fell through at the last minute. I've wondered why that happened, but a year later, God's plan is becoming much clearer.

Leaving education and getting into full time ministry is exciting. This is my tenth year teaching and coaching. The hundreds of friendships I've made over the past ten years is overwhelming. I'm incredibly grateful to have been allowed to be involved with so many wonderful people on a daily basis.

One of the highlights of this year has been walking my first couple through pre-marital counseling. The couple went to CPA and I've known the bride a little longer than I've known Rebecca. I was actually coaching her as a seventh grader when I was going through pre-marital counseling with Rebecca. As I was ~~sitting~~ standing in the ceremony I slipped the wedding program into the pocket of my sports coat (I don't wear jackets of very often) and pulled out the program from one of my former basketball player's funeral. He died last summer in a tragic accident involving a upper-story rail. Holding the wedding program for Kati and Chip and the funeral program for Jake brought back a lot of memories from the last ten years. I'm grateful for the opportunity to be involved in the highs and lows of these people's lives. I'm thankful for the tears of joy and even for the tears of pain. It is an honor to be allowed into celebration and mourning.

I'm excited about pastoring. August seems like a long time away. In the meantime, I've got twelve weeks left as a teacher. Last night was a great reminder of the grace God has poured into my life for the last ten years. I'm grateful to know I'm heading into my final stretch as a teacher. I'm looking forward to soaking up these final moments with the kids.

Thanks to many of you who have prayed for us and asked us about the job search. We're grateful for your friendships.

Conversations with Joshua (swiped from my mom)

2010-03-04T08:56:00.001-08:00

Joshua: I like your ring, Grandma Shari.

Me: Thank you. Poppy John gave that ring to me when he asked me to marry him.

Joshua: Yeah. My daddy gave my mommy a ring when he asked her to marry him.

Me: Yes. And aren't you glad your mommy and daddy got married because then YOU were born!

Joshua: Well, first my mommy got a baby in her tummy and then they got married.

Me: No. They got married first.

Joshua: No. My mommy got a baby in her tummy FIRST.

At this point, Grandma Shari was laughing really hard.

(The wedding was in 2002 and Joshua arrived in 2005.)

You never know where a conversation is headed with this kid.

More Conversations with Joshua

2010-03-02T09:27:00.000-08:00

We bought bunk beds for the boys about two weeks ago. Joshua's move from his old room to being a roommate with Andrew was uneventful for the first week. Then he had a bad dream on the top bunk and has decided he wants to sleep on the floor.

Last night, after a week on the floor, he decided to return to his bunk. I was in his room three times in the middle of the night trying to help him through his fear. The last conversation went like this...

Me (tired and grumpy - which if you know me was probably already made clear by the word me) - "Joshua, do you just want to sleep on the floor?"

Joshua - "Yes."

Me - "Give me your stuff."

Joshua tried to hand me his gigantic stuffed bear.

Me - "No. The bear only sleeps with you in your bed."

Joshua - "I'm getting mad."

Me - I want to go to bed. Get mad on the floor."

Joshua - "I'm trying to change my feelings."

Me - "Joshua, get down and change your feelings on the floor."

Joshua - "I'm going to hit myself."

Me - "If you hit yourself, you won't be able to play Wii Resorts for two days."

He climbed down, got into his floorbed, gave me a kiss, and told me he loved me. When he got up this morning he told Rebecca he isn't allowed to play Wii for two weeks.

Conversations with Joshua

2010-03-01T15:23:00.001-08:00

He's sitting next to me singing, "It is best. It is best. It is best to be the princess."

He also informed me of this little bit of information this weekend. "Daddy, Andrew wants to marry a man."

My Refuge

2010-02-28T12:02:00.000-08:00

The long wait ending
God's faithfulness on display
He is my refuge

Happy Birthday, Andrew

2010-02-26T12:59:00.000-08:00

Feel lucky, punk?

Andrew is three. Don't tell him. He'll tell you he's four and grin while he's doing it. His party was last week and he likes to say he turned three at the party and turned four today. He knows the truth. He just likes to have a little fun.

The little guy is his daddy made over. Poor kid.

He makes me laugh harder everyday. We've known from the beginning that he has a special sense of humor. He's working it out right now, and he's definitely learning his limits, but he's growing into it more and more each day.

He's an emotional little guy. Whatever he's feeling, he's feeling it at a high rate of intensity. Our pediatrician said his emotional intelligence is off the charts. He made the comment when we told him about the empathy Andrew felt for Elmo when he was sent to Grouchland. Andrew was barely one. He continues to weep with those who weep, rejoice with those who rejoice, and cry for those who fall to Grouchland.

He's learning how to make decisions. His older brother would rather he not learn that skill and that has postponed poor Andrew's leap into decision making, but it's fun to watch him grow into his own personality.

The word I think of most when I think of Andrew is fun. It is a joy being his dad. It is a joy getting to know him and watch him grow.

I love you, buddy. I'm so thankful you're my son. I'm looking forward to a lot more laughter. Happy Birthday!

We Are Rebels

2010-02-26T08:13:00.000-08:00

"The scripture stories do not, like Homer's, court our favor, they do not flatter us that they may be please and enchant us - they seek to subject us, and if we refuse to be subjected we are rebels." Erich Auerbach